英和翻訳（１文章をお願いします）

質問

下記に一文章を付け加えた（３番）英語はこちら
------------
3. To reduce or eliminate improper lengthy detentions
------------
下記の３番の日本語はどうですか？間違えがあれば書き直しくれますか？
ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー
受理願い（申立理由）
1. 無実の人（被疑者）を保護するため
2. 人権の改善に資する良い判例を得るため
3. 不正な長い拘留を減らすか、又はなくすため
4. 日本の冤罪問題の大幅な解決を実現するため

回答No.3

cbm51901 · ベストアンサー

> Also what do you think about 廃止.. For example:
> 不当な長期勾留を削減、或いは廃止するため

【廃止】sounds fine to me, but 削減 sticks out a bit.

【削減】 more has a meaning of "numerical/volume reduction" as in 定数削減（decrease of quorum） and 排出削減（emission reduction）. I think 【制限】is a better word here, as it means to "restrict" or "limit."
http://ejje.weblio.jp/content/%E5%88%B6%E9%99%90

「不当な長期勾留を【制限】、或いは廃止するため」

お礼

I love hearing your feedback, it's really great to have - and very much appreciated.

thanks again! :o)

回答No.2

cbm51901

3. 不正な「長期」拘留を減らすか、又はなくすため。

I was wondering whether 「不当」would be better replaced by「不正」。But apparently whereas「不正」is a legal term meaning "illegal," 「不当」means "morally wrong" but not necessarily illegal. So「不正」is the appropriate word here.

お礼

As soon as I see you name on an answer I feel relieved!! :o)

Great information again!! It's seems you caught an error on my part. After reading what you wrote, I'm now thinking that 不当 is maybe what I'm after. I say that because, although long detentions should be illegal in Japan they still aren't. Judges know this... so many 不当 is best. Also what do you think about 廃止.. For example:
不当な長期勾留を削減、或いは廃止するため

回答No.1

SPS700

長期にわたる不当な勾留期間を、短縮ないし不要とするため

　とも訳せると思います。