わからない個所を教えてください。
I can make a start with the window. I have to start somewhere, after all. I tell myself that I will think about the exhibition, and the paintings, while I work; and this sounds so convincing to me that I almost start to believe it. (前回の終わりの部分です）
Chapter Three
I do get to the paintings eventually. In the afternoon, I buy what I need to mend the broken pane, and more besides; heavy bags of tools and materials for which I am bound to find a hundred uses. I buy house paint, too: emulsion for the walls, to get them back the way they were – the way they should be. I set out all I have bought on the sitting-room floor, and go to work to fix the window. All through the afternoon, in the easy rhythm of working with my hands, the past comes, floating up around me and threatening to engulf me; and I fight it back, trying to stay in the here and now, trying to gain control. Sometimes – most of the time – I manage it.
I can’t understand why this is happening to me now; and why so strongly, so – insistently.
Jamie and Anna. I tell myself that it must be inevitable that being back here again would stir up memories of them. It’s natural; this was their place, of course, as well as mine. It’s no surprise that they’re here in my thoughts so much.
But it has been so long since I’ve thought of them, and these aren’t just memories – these are fragments of reality, snatched from the past and creeping up around me in the present. It’s something I’ve learnt to live without all my adult life, and now it’s here, it’s back, and I can’t even control it. I might have expected to think of Jamie and Anna once or twice while I was here – but not this, not this.
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主人公のAlexはartistで、展示会に備えるために、幼い頃過ごしたイタリアに戻ってきています。Jamie and AnnaはAlexの幼なじみです。
It’s something I’ve learnt to live without all my adult life, and now it’s here, it’s back, and I can’t even control it.という英文が最後の方に出てくるのですが、itが何を指しているのかよくわかりません。
it’s hereそれはここにあり、it’s backそれは戻り、I can’t even control it.私はそれを支配することさえできない。。。Jamie and Annaとの思い出みたいな感じでしょうか？
I might have expected to think of Jamie and Anna once or twice while I was here – but not this, not this.のbut not this, not thisというのは、どういうことを言っているのでしょうか？これではない、これでは。。？？
質問の英文が長くなってしまいましたが、教えてください。お願いします。
お礼
ご回答ありがとうございます。