大学留学応募の際のエッセイについて -お願いします。下記のお題でエッセイを-

大学留学応募のエッセイ

お願いします。下記のお題でエッセイを提出します。文字数は丁度200wordsです。文法、文章の流れなど添削頂けると涙が出るほど助かります。なお、文章中の（）は英語に自信がない場合に日本語入れています大学側のお題：What sets you apart from other applicants, based on unique educational or life experiences, personal or family circumstances, obstacles overcome and/or achievements? (200 words or less) 私のエッセイ：I used to work as door to door sales man about 10 years ago. To sale $3,000 water cleaner, I would often visit more than 100 houses everyday. At that time, not only Japanese are not so interested that device but also people usually drinks tap water. In previous times, people used to think that purchase natural water are ridiculous and said “drink tap water as much as you like, do not waste your money!” Great majority of Japanese did not interested water at all. Therefore, I was always turned down and was jeered and yelled at me. I had an experience with scattered salt by a man（男性から塩をかけられた経験があります）. It means purify evil sprit. I believed that I could find a customer as long as I do not give in. I became discouraged several times. Nevertheless, I had kept knock a door hundred of times and then I had encountered the customers（冠詞に迷いました、the としたのは思い描いたそのお客さんに出会えたとし定冠詞にしました）. At sales convention, I obtained a first prize among over 1,000 company members. Through this precious experiment, I learned patient, efforts must be pay off and I understood that If people efforts desperately, God presents us a miracle. My weakness was changed strength（by ○○はあえて書きませんでした、キリスト教系の大学なのでここは神様と読み手は考えると思うからです）. This life experience is my treasure. よろしくお願いします＜（＿　＿）＞

大学入学の際のエッセイ添削希望

お願いします。以下私のエッセイの文法の誤り、文章の構成などアドバイスを是非よろしくお願いします＜（＿＿）＞大学側：What sets you apart from other applicants, based on unique educational or life experiences, personal or family circumstances, obstacles overcome and/or achievements? (200 words or less) 私のエッセイ：I have a special sales experience than other applicants. I had sold water cleaners as a door to door sales man about 10 years ago. I would have often visit more than 100 houses everyday in order to sell$3,000 water cleaners. I learned how to develop good communication with customers from my own experience. Decade ago, Japanese were not interested in the device since they usually drank tap water. In those days, people had thought that purchasing water was ridiculous. Therefore, I was always turned down. People would have yelled at me and some even scattered salt at me to drive away evil spirits. Since I want to be a success, I had kept knocking on hundred of doors. I realized that it is more important to become a customer’s friend than just a salesman. If friend who would suggest using the device for their friend health. Therefore, I tried becoming their best friend. The Result of patience, effort and ingenuity, I was awarded a first prize among over 1,000 company members at a sales convention. Through this experience, I learned that if people exert maximum effort, God will present miracles. I believe that I put my experience to study. (200 words)

大学留学の際のエッセイ

お願いします。200文字以内でエッセイを書けとの設問で以下のように書きましたがどうしても203文字になってしまいます。同じような内容で200文字以内で収めることは出来ませんでしょうか。また文法の誤りがあれば教えて頂けると助かります大学側：What sets you apart from other applicants, based on unique educational or life experiences, personal or family circumstances, obstacles overcome and/or achievements? (200 words or less) 私が考えた内容：I used to work as door-knocker. I was rejected by people and was yelled me. however, At sales convention, I obtained a first prize. Through this experiment, I learned patient and my efforts must pay off.

留学の際のエッセイ

下記内容でエッセイを書きました、内容などご指摘いただくと助かります。 Describe why you want to attend an institution within the LDS Church Educational System and what value you will add to that institution. (200 words or less) I want to be a spiritually-advanced person and contribute people to be happier. There are several reasons that I choose the institution of church, BYUH. I want to learn from those who have the same sense of value. Additionally, I am fascinated by your motto “ENTER TO LEARN GO FORTH TO SERVE.” I want to serve people as an ultimate work after my graduation. I believe that BYUH is the only school that may teach me how to serve for people. I have only a child. Being able to stay near the temple and have church’s friends would give a good chance to nurture him. But also, strengthen our testimony to God. Nothing is more valuable than it for us. Finally, after graduation I will put my all into environmental job. My wife’s father has own his company and has some products to make an improvement on the green issue. I want to disseminate his products widely across to the world. I will contribute to the world as BYUH alumnus and I am spontaneous therefore, I outspoken to brighten up in class. I would be a crucial person. For these reasons, I want to be matriculated at BYUH.（198）

留学の際のエッセイ

お願いします。下記の文章はentrance essayです。 I want to be a spiritually advanced person and contribute to people’s happiness. My motivation to apply BYUH is to learn from those who have the same values as I have. I am fascinated by your motto “ENTER TO LEARN, GO FORTH TO SERVE,” I want to serve people. I believe that BYUH is the best school for me to learn how to serve others. I have a child who is one year old and whose name is ○○. It means God’s messenger. He likes people; with his arms spread, he always begs someone to hold him up, his smile makes people comfortable. He is already offering love to people as God’s messenger. Being able to stay near temples and have church friends gives me a good chance to nurture him. Nothing is more valuable than this for him. Additionally, I am temporary a worker, and my job is unstable. Therefore, I want to remove myself from this situation. Fortunately, my wife’s father owns a company and has some products to improve environmental issues. I want to disseminate his ideas worldwide and contribute to the world as a BYUH alumnus. For these reasons, I want to enroll at BYUH.(199) 知り合いのTESOL関係の方に見てもらったところ1点指摘されました指摘箇所：3段落目のcomfortable 指摘内容：Word choice. This is strange to say. 「彼の笑顔が人々を慰める（癒す）」と言いたいのですが his smile nurses people's soulと言えますでしょうか？ ※以前からエッセイを助けていただいている皆様へこのBYUHのTESOLの方から次のようなアドバイスをもらったため上記のようなエッセイに変えました you may want to add some details to your personal story about your son and wife. Using their names and a few personal details may make this paper more personal because you will sound more like an individual with a real life. This personal touch will attract the readers of your entrance essays.

夢　エッセイ

お願いします宿題の提出課題で「見た夢」と「その分析」について出します、もしよければ添削いただけると助かります In my dream, I was sleeping on the bed. A crow flew to me and he changed his figure to a devil. The devil tried to reach his hand to my chest. His arm was very long. There were over 2 meters or more. I noticed that his existence and struggled to his hand but I could not. His hand came in my body. then, I was woke by my wife. I realized this one solid black dream. My dream indicate my mental condition. Freud would say that the crow is symbolic of trouble or failure and black colour represents despair and anxity. According to the dream-for-survival theory, We dream represent concerns about our daily lives therefore, dreaming the nightmare, I might have endured dark days. The devil symbolizes my negative aspect. Although the devil wanted to reach his hand to me, I tried to flick it away from me. It mean I tried to change my negative thinking to positive thinking.

留学のエッセイ

お願いします。以下の内容でエッセイを書きました。文法の誤りを教えていただけると非常に助かります、よろしくお願いします尚、「200文字以内で」とありますが今222文字あります、最終的に調整したいと考えています Describe why you want to attend an institution within the LDS Church Educational System and what value you will add to that institution. (200 words or less) There are several reasons why I choose BYUH. That's because church’s institution. First of all, I want to learn from those who same sense of value. Second, I made an impression on BYUH’s school characteristic “ENTER TO LEARN GO FORTH TO SERVE.” I want to serve people through after graduate’s work, hope to be of service to someone, and I have received kindness by many people, therefore, I want to return the favor. I believe that BYUH is the only school where teach me how to serve for people. Third, I have an only child. He is my pleasure and my treasure. Being able to stay near the temple and have church’s friend would give him chance to nurture. Nothing is more valuable than this for us. Finally, I am a temporary worker and very unstable work. I would like to snap out from my vicious circle. After graduation I will put my all into environmental job. My wife’s father have own company and he has some idea and products to make an improvement green issue. After I learn business marketing I will take over his company and disseminate his products widely across to the world and help to make change to better place. I want to contribute to the world as BYUH alumnus. For these reasons, I want to matriculate BYUH.

英語を訳してください。

(1)As a young boy I was always aware that what people said was not always what ther meant or were feeling and that it was possible to get others to do what I wanted if I read their real feelings and responded appropriately to their needs At the age of eleven,I began my sales career selling rubber songes door to door after school to make pocket monyy and quickly worked out how to tell if someone was likely to buy from me or not . When I knocked on a door,if someone told me to go away but their hands were open and they showed their palms,I knew it was safe to persist with my presentation because,despite how negative they may have sounded,they weren`t aggressive. If someone told me to go away in a soft voice but used a pointed finger or closed hand,Iknew it was time to leave.Iloved being a salesperson and was excellent at it. As a teenager,Ibecame aptts and pans salesperson,selling at night,and my ability to read people earned me enough money to buy my first piece of property (2)Selling gamve me the opportunity to meet people and study them from nearby and to evaluate whther they would buy or not,simply by watching their body language. this skill also proved a bonazafor(※幸運の鍵) meeting girls in discos. Icould nearly always predict who would say yes to a dance with me and who wouldn`t. I joinde the life insureance business at the age of twenty and went on to break several sales records for the firm I worked for,becoming the youngest person to sell over a million dollars`worth of business in my first year. this achievement qualified mefor the prestigious Million Dollar Round Table(保険営業成績トップクラスの人々からなる相互研鑽と社会貢献を趣旨とした組織) in the USA. (3)As a young man A was fortunate that the techniques I@d learned as a boy in reading body language while selling pots and pans could be transferred to this new area,and was directly related to the success I could have in any venture involving people （１）（２）（３）のところの英語を訳してください。

英訳添削

英訳したので添削してください。クラスのある人がいじめられていた。私は見て見ぬふりをしていた。だか、私の友達はいじめられていた人を助けようとしていた。もし、助けて次にいじめの標的にされるかもしれないというのに。結局、いじめはなくなり、その友達もいじめられることはなかった。私はその友達はとても勇気があるなと思った。私もこのように勇気のある人になりたいと思いました。 It was hard on people with a class. I turned a blind eye. However, my friend tried to help the person on whom it was hard. It is said that it may help and then may be made the target of bullying. After all, bullying was lost and it was not hard on the friend. I regarded the friend as not courageous at all. I thought that I would also like to become those who are courageous in this way.

訳を教えてください

以下の文章の最後の一文がよくわりません。ご教授ください。 However, up until the moment that those keys were turned over, I was still searching for something that had greater value to me than anything I had ever imagined as a child, and that I knew for certain was in that house at one time. https://medium.com/@bclund/the-most-valuable-fake-id-in-the-world-ddb7a9120c5 これのand that I knew for certain was in that house at one time.の部分です。よろしくお願いします。

よろしくお願いします

Recently, while visiting my friend “Nancy,” I was chatting with her while she put away dishes from the dishwasher. At one point I noticed that she’d left a cupboard door open, so I helpfully closed it. She then turned around with her arms full of plates, for some reason expected the cabinet door to be open, and clumsily dropped some of the dishes. I honestly thought she was done in that cupboard and helped her clean up the mess. she was done in that cupboardとはどういうことでしょうか？よろしくお願いします

和訳をお願いします

和訳をお願いします長くなってすみません(>_<) I took the fist turn to the right at the Medical Records Dept. and made my way along the corridor, but it came to a dead end, so I turned around and headed toward the entrance. But I was so frightened and it was so smoky that I got lost. I remember turning to the right somewhere and getting to the door of some room,but I have no idea where I was. I sat down in front of the door and desperately called out for help again and again. Finally a man heard me. He came over to help me, took me by the hand and led me to the entrance.

良いエッセー

質問なのですがパトス、エソス、ロゴスのどれか一つを使った二つのCMを比べるというテーマで少しながめのエッセーを書こうとしています。いきなり書き始めるよりoutlineを書いてからのほうが書きやすいと思いまずoutlineを作ってみたのですが、Bodyでのうまい書き方やアイデア、conclusionでのmain　pointの要約と自分の意見をうまく書く方法がいまいち良くわかりません。そこでなにか良い書き方やアイデアがあれば教えていただけないでしょうか？ちなみにこれがoutlineです。 Introduction: From old to current advertisements, logos has been used to convince consumers that the product is reliable, honest, and credible. Thesis: 1960 DHC and 2006 Clearasil skin care lotion advertisements both used the same marketing strategy; however, they have different way of advertising. Body A. Similarities between the two ads - used logos - attractive models both male and female who have nice skin - men or women model showed off and touched their skin with saying “My skin is so smooth!” Transition sentence: to show that differences will be mentioned starting with the first, old advertisement. B. Differences: DHC Brief description of the DHC advertisement and show - two women - target group- women who want beautiful and clear skin - two women boast the number of users, how many products is sold, and success stories of users. - the advertisement do not use fantasy in a comic book or video game mode. Transition sentence: to show that differences will now be mentioned starting with the second, current advertisement. C. Differences: Clearasil Brief description of the Clearasil advertisement and show - one real man and one unreal woman (video game or comic book character) - target group- men who want nice skin - the advertisement explains scientifically why the product is extremely effective for their skin. - the advertisement uses fantasy in a comic book or video game mode. Conclusion: DHC and Clearasil advertisement both used logos that gives consumers the evidence and statistics to fully understand what the product does. There　difference in the two advertisements though they used same marketing strategy. My thought:It need copyright royaltys and represent fee to use a ainme character in commercial or ads. and using a anime character in ads can make more close to people,and the character have the deep impression in people's mind.and it is easily make people associate the character with the goods in ads.On the whole,it is a ads trick,it seems to be called Image spokesperson. よろしくおねがいします。

留学志望の添削をお願いします！！

現在大学生です。カナダへの留学を希望しており、留学志望書を書いているのですが・・・ I have three objects for this studying abroad program. First, it is to get ability which can handle correct business English and can use daily conversation. I want to work all over the world in the future, and globalization apread at a high speed. After a few years, we will not work enough without English. In addition to, communication is very important not only daily life but also work. So, I think that I have to get on these abilities. Second, it is to learn Canadian culture and Christianity. The religion affects the country culture and daily life in many foreign countries. It is a part of difference points from Japan. I feel difference about the religion from my experience through studying abroad and want to apply at work or life in the future. Finally, it is to make a lot of friends. I have only Japanese friends. Most people have the same sense of values as Japanese, so I hardly find a brand new attitude over the nation. If I make a lot of friends without nationality, Iwoll be able to get 800 TOEIC score. This goal is very difficult for me. But it is not impossible and I have a confidence that I achieve this goal, becaouse I can effort than average person and my character is never-give-up attitude. When I enrolled at a university, my TOEIC score is 365. However I wanted to take part in this studying abroad program. I could not get qualification be ｓecond grade, but I can participate in this studying abroad in fact. I have never gone to study abroad like other people, so I will be able to grow up than other participations. At any rate, I am the most enthusiasm student for this studying abroad program. This is my participation reason for this program.

エッセイの一部にわからないところがあります。訳を教

本のページをめくるのはドアを開けてドアの中のものを見るのに似た楽しみがある、みたいな話のエッセイの中で、以下のパラグラフが今ひとつわかりません。どなたかすっきりわかるように訳していただけませでしょうか？よろしくお願いします。 But usually the turning from page to page is incidental, and in a long book a bother. It doesn't matter if something happens on page 9 or 289. While reading a book, I sometimes wish I didn’t have to hold it up, it gets so heavy, and I fantasize a sea of type automatically unrolling, one word in focus at a time, at just the right speed, on a moving screen or scroll. エッセイ全文はこちらです。 http://www.theinventionofhugocabret.com/remy_essay.htm

エッセーの添削をお願いいたします。

エッセーを書いてみたのですが、自分だとなかなか添削はできないので、どなたか文法、スペル、意味が通っていないなどの間違いがありましたら添削よろしくおねがいします。あともしエッセーのい構成で、ここはこうしたほうが良いんじゃない？みたいなのがありましたら遠慮なくおっしゃってください。　People usually watch TV, internet or magazine commercials without paying a lot of attention to what strategies are used. Logos has been used in advertisements across two centuries to make the content of the advertisement persuasive and to convince consumers that the product is reliable, honest and credible. 1960 DHC and 2006 Clearasil Skin Care Lotion advertisements both used the same marketing strategy- logos; however, the changing attitude about fantasy over the few decades is evident in those two commercials. 　In the two advertisements, both used similar strategies. First, they used logic part of logos to make the advertisement persuasive and whip up audience’s interest or emotion by showing subconscious and concrete data. In the DHC advertisement, two women say, “This is a No.1 sales product in the world!” and introduce some voices of successful users. Also, in the Clearasil advertisement, slogans such as “This is 100% natural!” and “10million people are using this!” are heard. Second, they used attractive male or female models. In the DHC advertisement, two women who have nice skin appeared, and in the Clearasil advertisement, attractive man was acting. 　Although both advertisements used same marketing strategy, they used different way to advertise their products. In the DHC advertisement, they narrowed down the target group to just women who want beautiful and clear skin. Also, they do not use fantasy in a comic book or video game mode. Just two real women appeared in the advertisement. 　Different from the DHC advertisement, Clearasil advertisement narrowed down the target group to men. Also, the man who appeared in the advertisement not only represent concrete data but also explain scientific reasons why the product is extremely effective for the skin. Most different thing is using fantasy. In the Clearasil advertisement, one real man and one unreal woman like anime character appeared and advertised their product. 　To conclude, from old to current advertisements, they used same strategy- logos, but the way of advertising has been changed. Why uses fantasy like anime or game character in advertisement? That is because using anime character in advertisements can make more close to people, and the character has the deep impression in people's mind. Also, it is easily make people associate the character with the products in advertisements. On the whole, it is a trick of advertisements and it seems to be called Image spokesman.

よろしくお願いします

I was recently a victim of fraud. It involved a job offer that turned out to be fake and a check that turned out to be bad. a check that turned out to be badは「使い物にならない小切手」でしょうか？よろしくお願いします

大学の英語のエッセイの課題点数低いので助けてくださ

問あなたのコミュニティは幸せですか？ふこうですか？課題指定 A single paragraph of at least 7 sentences (1 topic sentence, 3 supporting ideas, and at least 1 detail sentence for each idea) Write in your own words. (Do not copy text.) Write in formal English (i.e., complete sentences; no contractions; no sentences beginning with coordinating contractions such as "and," "but," or "so"; avoid using first- and -second-person pronouns) Formatted in MLA style Use the Microsoft Word MLA Template and clearly identify which assignment, for example: Task_1_Draft.docx Write for a non-Japanese audience which might not know anything about Japan. Follow the attached "Writing Draft Submission Instructions." IMPORTANT: Before you submit, save a backup copy of your draft to OneDrive as explained in the instructions. Note: The MLA model demonstrates MLA formatting. Its topic is not the same as the Writing Task 1 topic. You need to write about your community. An entire country cannot be considered a community. My community’s happy: Communication with each other My community, my part-time job at after school children's club, Sozen 1st and 2nd After School Children Club in Hiratuka, is generally happy. The reason I find my community generally happy is greeting each other. Studies have shown that greetings can produce hormones that reduce stress. In fact, my community is always greeting each other. Another reason I find my community generally happy is to play with children. Playing with children will make people fun and happy. According to the University of Illinois, exercising for 20 minutes will make you feel happy. In my community, people play with each other three times an hour each day. The last reason I find my community generally happy is smile. There is a study that shows when you smile, the happy hormone dopamine appears, and you become happy. In fact, my community people always happy because my community laughs constantly. From the above, my community is happy. という課題を提出したところ厳しいフィードバックをいただいたのですがあまり英語が得意ではないため指摘された点の理解があまりできませんでした。先生のフィードバックを載せるので次にこのような課題の時どうすればいいのか教えてください Content (unity, details, originality) Topic sentence is confusing. Can a job be a community? Why did you ignore my advice on your first draft? Sentences 3, 7, and 10 are off topic. あとMLAすたいるの書き方でもないといわれました Language (clarity, word choice, style) Incorrect/repetitive: "I find my community generally happy" Incorrect/unusual/unclear usage/word choice: greeting, to play, fun, smile, community people, from the above 次に生かしたいのでよろしくお願いします

和訳おねがいします

Until one day I said to myself, " I am going to make a mark somewhere else," and I noticed that at the corner where we turned there was a wine store with Jewish initials. The next day I told him," I am not going with you. " So the old sister came running, " You will get lost. We will not be able to find you. " But I didn't listen. I walked out with my nose up, and I got to that store with the Jewish sign. I turned, and I got to my dressmaker.

留学中ですが、辛いです。

みなさん、こんにちは。現在、高校二年生でアメリカの高校に一年間の留学をしています。そろそろ４ヶ月が経とうとしているのですが、辛いことが山ほどあります。一番辛いことなのですが、一日にほとんど会話をすることができません。僕のとっている授業はあまり話す機会が無く、休み時間も５分しか与えられておらず、移動教室をするのに使います。本当に話すことができるのは、ランチの時くらいですが、みんなの会話が早すぎてまったく入りこむことができません。そして、挨拶をし合う程度の友達は多くいるのですが、たくさん話し合えたりできるような友達は一人もいません。僕の学校は車が発達しており、放課後は親が迎えにくるので、みんな遊びません。週末は大量の宿題が出るのでそもそもみんなあまり遊ばないようで、僕はいつも家で退屈しています。そして、みんな僕に全く興味がないように思えます。自分で言うのは変ですが、日本にいた頃はすごく人を笑わせるのが得意で、男女共に人気でした。だからこの違いがすごく辛いです。こんな状況が４ヶ月続いてきて、今までどうすればこの状況を打破することができるのか考え、実行もしてきましたが全て無駄でした。会話がないことから、英語力は全く進歩していません。（リスニングは少しできるようになりました。）むしろ、できなくなった気がします。あと半年しかなく、何も成長せず帰ることになってしまうのでは、と不安です。本当に毎日が辛く、何事にも消極的で、自分に自信がなくなりました。留学経験者の方も、そうでない方もアドバイスを頂ければ幸いです。回答よろしくお願いします。（暇だったので英語バージョンも書きました。このひどい英語から成長の無さが伝わるかと思います。。。） Hello, everyone. I'm a junior, and I'm studying in an American school as an exchange student. About 4 months have passed since I came here, but I have lots of hard things. The hardest thing is that I don't have conversation at all. My taking classes doesn't give us the opportunity to speak, and also we have only five minutes break between classes, but we spend in moving a classroom. I can talk in lunch, but conversation is too fast to understand, so I can't get into it. I have bunch of friends that greets me, but I don't have any friends that I can talk to a lot. My school is developed cars, and parents pick students up after school, which means there's no way we can hang out. On weekends, stupid teachers give us a lot of hw, so basically everyone seems not to hang out. I'm always bored at home. And apparently, everyone is not interested in me. It's kinda weird to say that, but I was very good at making people smile, and I was literally popular with both boys and girls. So the difference from this situation makes me really sad. This situation has continued for as many as 4 months, and I've always worked out how to get over it, and carried out, but that was just for nothing. Since I don't have conversation, my English hasn't improved at all.(I'm being able to kinda listen though) On the contrary, I feel like my English has declined… I have only 6 months till going home, and I'm really afraid that I end up going home without any improvements. I'm having a really hard time everyday and not proactive about anything, and I've lost confidence in myself. I would like you guys to advise me, no matter if you have studied abroad or not. Thanks for your time. (I was literally bored, so that's why I wrote this English version. Maybe you can tell how terrible my English is...)

大学留学応募の際のエッセイについて

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お礼 2009/07/26 23:09

その他の回答 (1)

お礼 2009/07/26 23:10

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大学留学応募のエッセイ

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大学留学の際のエッセイ

留学の際のエッセイ

留学の際のエッセイ

夢　エッセイ

留学のエッセイ

英語を訳してください。

英訳添削

訳を教えてください

よろしくお願いします

和訳をお願いします

良いエッセー

留学志望の添削をお願いします！！

エッセイの一部にわからないところがあります。訳を教

エッセーの添削をお願いいたします。

よろしくお願いします

大学の英語のエッセイの課題点数低いので助けてくださ

和訳おねがいします

留学中ですが、辛いです。

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大学留学応募の際のエッセイについて

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お礼 2009/07/26 23:09

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お礼 2009/07/26 23:10

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エッセーの添削をお願いいたします。

よろしくお願いします

大学の英語のエッセイの課題点数低いので助けてくださ

和訳おねがいします

留学中ですが、辛いです。

注目のQ&A

カテゴリ

あなたにピッタリな商品が見つかる！ OKWAVE セレクト

専門家に質問してみよう

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