100語自由英作文添削をお願いいたします。
添削をお願いいたします。
志望は早稲田政経です。
文法的観点、論理的観点 ともにアドバイスをお待ちしております。
Q:[Smoking should be banned]
my answer:
I agree with this opinion. Smoking has a lot of negative aspects. First, when you smoke, the air around you becomes smoky and smells bad. The smoke and the smell annoy many people around you. Second, a lighted cigarette has a danger of injuring others, especially children, whose faces are as tall as your hand with a lighted cigarette. Third, cigarette is a sort of poison. The risk of smokers getting cancer is higher than that of nonsmokers. To sum up, there is too much harm for society to accept smoking today.
「whose faces are as tall as your hand with a lighted cigarette.」は子供の顔の高さとタバコを持つ手の高さが同じくらいだということが述べたかったのですが
whose faces are at the level of your hand with a lighted cigarette.などのほうが適切でしょうか?
お礼
ありがとうございました。