英文日記を添削していただけますか(^^)

質問

英文日記を書きました。初心者なので、特に文法的な間違いや、表現のおかしい部分などがあれば、直していただけると助かります(^^)
　一応、最後に私の表現したい内容を日本語で表記しておきます

Monday, Feb. 27th, 2006 Sunny

　　Hello, my dearest Candy. I received a mail from my friend this morning, who is my alumna at university. I haven’t seen her for a long time so I was very grad to look at this mail.
　　She said ( wrote ? ) that she wanted to meet me because she was coming to near my house next Thursday. Now she lives a long way from my house. Actually I already have something to do for next Thursday, but I will change my schedule and meet her. I’m looking forward to seeing her. Candy, you think so, don't you? See you soon, my dearest Candy.

(日本語）
今朝、大学時代の友達からメールが来たの。しばらく会ってないからこのメールを見てとてもうれしかったわ。彼女が来週の木曜日にうちの近くに来るので私に会いたいって言うんだけど。実はすでに予定があるのだけど、予定を変えて彼女に会うつもり。彼女に会うのすごく楽しみ。キャンディーもそう思うでしょ？

回答No.5

Ganbatteruyo · ベストアンサー

Gです。　こんにちは！

Candyも多分返事をしたいところでしょうね。　rose-crystalさんの日記のように、語りかける事がすなわちいつか口からすらすら出てくると言うことにつながっています。　

では、また一行づつやって見ましょうね。

＞Monday, Feb. 27th, 2006 Sunny

はい、日記です。

＞Hello, my dearest Candy. I received a mail from my friend this morning, who is my alumna at university.

郵便ですね。　e-mailのことをmailと言う人が多くなってきたとはいえやはりe-mailとpostal mailとを区別したい方が圧倒的に多いですので、郵便であればmail、メールであればe-mailとしておいてくださいね。

I received a mail from one of my friends this morning, who is an alumna from my university. と言う表現ができます。　

＞I haven’t seen her for a long time so I was very grad to look at this mail.

grad はgladですね。　look atをseeに変えて、I haven't seen her for a long time so I was very glad to seeing/receiving this mail!!とちょっと変えました。

＞She said ( wrote ? ) that she wanted to meet me because she was coming to near my house next Thursday. Now she lives a long way from my house彼女が来週の木曜日にうちの近くに来るので私に会いたいって言うんだけど。

Now she lives a long way from my houseはthis mail!! の後にすぐ持ってくると流れがよくなりますね。

She said/wrote that she wanted to meet me because she was coming near my house next Thursday.と言う表現になります。

＞Actually I already have something to do for next Thursday, but I will change my schedule and meet her.

まだ変更していないのであれば、I willで良いですね。　もう変える気持ちはある、ということでしたら、I decided to changeに変えても良いともいますよ。

＞I’m looking forward to seeing her. Candy, you think so, don't you? See you soon, my dearest Candy.

looking forward to seeing herはちょっと硬いですので、I'm so excited about seeing her.としたいところです。　You can see that, can't you?として、この気持ち分かるでしょう?のようなフィーリングが出せますね。

そして、最後に、Sorry but I have go now, until next time "See you later, My Dearest Candy"と言うようにできます。

私流に書くと、

Monday, Feb. 27th, 2006 Sunny

　　Hello, My Dearest Candy. I have a pleasan story that I want to share with you today. I received a mail from one of my friends this morning. She and I attended and graduated from the same university. I haven’t seen her for a long time so I was very glad to see this mail. Beasides, she lives far away from my house now.
　　She said/wrote in her words "I want to meet you again because I will be near your house next Thursday." What a pleasant surprise, isn't it? This is really a nice news.

Actually I already have something to do for next Thursday, but I decided to change my schedule and will meet her. I'm so excited about seeing her. Candy, you can tell, can't you?

Well, sorry but I have to go now. I just wanted to tell you this nice news because you are my best firend. Until next time, See you soon！ My Dearest Candy.と言う表現になるかな。

これでいかがでしょうか。　分かりにくい点がありましたら、補足質問してください。

お礼

ありがとうございました(^^)いつもながらとても参考になっています。

回答No.6

Ganbatteruyo

Gです。　訂正する部分があります。（締め切っていないので良かったです）

＞grad はgladですね。　look atをseeに変えて、I haven't seen her for a long time so I was very glad to seeing/receiving this mail!!とちょっと変えました。

は

grad はgladですね。　look atをseeに変えて、I haven't seen her for a long time so I was very glad to see/receive this mail!!とちょっと変えました。

です。

＞そして、最後に、Sorry but I have go now, until next time "See you later, My Dearest Candy"と言うようにできます。

は

そして、最後に、Sorry but I have to go now, until next time "See you later, My Dearest Candy"と言うようにできます。

です。

＞Monday, Feb. 27th, 2006 Sunny

　　Hello, My Dearest Candy. I have a pleasan story that I want to share with you today. I received a mail from one of my friends this morning. She and I attended and graduated from the same university. I haven’t seen her for a long time so I was very glad to see this mail. Beasides, she lives far away from my house now.
　　She said/wrote in her words "I want to meet you again because I will be near your house next Thursday." What a pleasant surprise, isn't it? This is really a nice news.

は

Monday, Feb. 27th, 2006 Sunny

　　Hello, My Dearest Candy. I have a pleasant story that I want to share with you today. I received a mail from one of my friends this morning. She and I attended and graduated from the same university. I haven’t seen her for a long time so I was very glad to see this mail. Beasides, she lives far away from my house now.
　　She said/wrote in her words "I want to meet you again because I will be near your house next Thursday." What a pleasant surprise, isn't it? This is really a nice news.

です。　pleasantですね。

＞Well, sorry but I have to go now. I just wanted to tell you this nice news because you are my best firend. Until next time, See you soon！ My Dearest Candy.と言う表現になるかな。

は

Well, sorry but I have to go now. I just wanted to tell you this nice news because you are my best friend. Until next time, See you soon！ My Dearest Candy.と言う表現になるかな。

です。

ごめんなさい。

お礼

きちんと訂正していただいてありがとうございます(^^)

回答No.4

Chicago243

時制が気になります
自信なしですが
I haven’t seen her for a long time so I was very grad to look at this mail.

->I haven’t seen her for a long time so I am very grad to look at this mail.

She said ( wrote ? ) that she wanted to meet me because she was coming to near my house next Thursday.

->Her letter says that she wants to see me, because she is going to come nearby, next Thursday.

Actually I already have something to do for next Thursday, but I will change my schedule and meet her.

->Althoug I already have a plan on the next Thursday, I am going to rearrange my plan to see her.
or Althoug I already have a plan on the next Thursday, I decide to rearrange my plan to see her.

willよりbe going toの方が積極的なイメージがあります

回答No.3

akijake

こんにちは！
特に直すところってなさそうですが、私が書きそうな表現で書きますね。
日記なのであまり細かい事はいいんですが…。

who is my alumna at university.
時勢の一致でwas になるのかなぁと。他も一致させているので、ここも一致した方がよいかもしれません。

I was very grad to look at this mail.
to receive her mail か、to find her mail in my mailboxとかそんな感じにしたほうが良いかと。

She said ( wrote ? ) that she wanted to meet me because she was coming to near my house next Thursday
間違いではないのですが、私はいつも
she is saying that she wanna meet up with me since she will be in my neighborhood next Thursday.
と進行形にしちゃいます。なんとなくニュアンス的に書いたというより「言ってるの」としたいので。

I will change my schedule and meet her
to meet herの方がよさそうかなぁと。

I’m looking forward to seeing her. Candy, you think so, don't you?
とっても楽しみなの。そう思わない？だとちょっと繋がりが微妙になってしまうので、
I'm really looking forward to seeing her!
Aren't you too, Candy?
「とっても楽しみなの！あなたもそうじゃない？」
なんてどうでしょうか？

終わりがちょっと唐突なので、
Well, I gotta go now, see you later! とか一息置いた方がいい気がします。

それでは頑張って下さい！

お礼

いつも参考になっています。ありがとうございました(^^)

回答No.2

yokocat

補足です。
so I was very grad to look at this mail.
so I was very happy to receive this mailとかの方が自然です。
ちなみにgradはgladのスペルミスでは？
gladだと、日本文の「うれしかったわ」のニュアンスから微妙にはずれます。間違いではないけれど・・・。
She said ( wrote ? ) that she wanted to meet me
said(wrote)は、日本語の言ってた（書いてきた）と同じ感じで、自分の好きな方でいいと思います。
あと、「私に会いたい」は、meetではなく、she wanted to see meのほうが自然です。詳細は辞書に載ってますが、meetだと偶然性、遭遇、面会的な意味が強く、この日本文にはよりseeのほうがしっくりきます。
because she was coming to near my house
通常coming to nearとはいいません。coming near toです。また、「うちの近くに来る」は、coming neay by,とかが日本文のニュアンスにより近く、自然です。
Now she lives a long way from my house. Actually I already have something to do for next Thursday, but I will change my schedule and meet her.
ここは、
Although I already have plans for next Thursday, I'm going to reschedule my plans, since she lives ～
とか、
家が遠い→あまり会う機会がない
と解釈すると、
since I don't have much chance to see her.とかでも良いと思います。
Candy, you think so, don't you?
良くありがちな表現ですが、日本文の意味からすると、
Candy, don't you think so, too?のほうが近いと思います。
以上、長々と書きましたが、お役に立てれば幸いです。

お礼

ありがとうございました(^^)参考になりました。

回答No.1

Hideto123

自信がないから、ちょっとだけ・・・、

＞so I was very grad to look at this mail.
「手紙を見て」うれしかったのではなく、それを読んでうれしかったので、
I was very grad to hear from her. がいいかなぁ～。

＞because she was coming to near my house
come to my neighbor （近所に来る）でしょうか？

＞Now she lives a long way from my house.
Now she lives very far from here. でしょうか？

参考にもならないと思いますが・・・・。