不自然な英文e-mail（間違いをおしえてください）

質問

こんにちは。
先日、自分自身で英文e-mailを書きました。しかし、表現が不自然だと思うところがとても多くありました。どうか、このe-mailの表現を添削することを通じて不自然な表現の訂正をお願いします！（気になったところだけで結構です！）

引用：
Dear ○○○,

Hi, I am in Katmandu now. It's second day for me here. This is very good city to pass time, so that I am always strolling in the city and reading some books in the small cafe restaurant (astonishingly there are many pretty good restrant to pass time^^).

But Seeing past my shoulder to the days before here, it makes me a little shiver..It was beyond my imagination, actually, I have never imagined this travel had been this hard way... In fact, I struggled to this small city...

Sufferings Detail:
1. Because of High fever(38 Celcius), no appitite(vomition), water-like something and loose emotion, I was hospitalized for two days in DELHI. When I arrived there, it's even difficult for me to walk! I was said 45 kg. 10 kg lesser than my ordinary weight! It was terrible expression. It was 7th day in India. I couldn't eat any solid meals for 5 days!

(...to be continued.)

回答No.2

fushigichan · ベストアンサー

Evianusさん、こんばんは。
分かりやすい英文で、感じはとても出ていると思います。
しいていえば、

＞It's second day for me here.

It's the second day for me to stay here.
のほうがよいでしょう。

＞This is very good city to pass time,

このpass timeというところなんですが、確かにpassで過ごす、という意味ですが

This is very good city to spend my time.
（あまり変わらないですかね？）
とするか、いっそのこと、

This city is comfortable enough for me to stay.
この都市は、滞在するには、とても心地いいです。

のようにするのは、どうでしょう。

上のようにすると、
＞so that I am always strolling in the city and reading some books in the small cafe restaurant (astonishingly there are many pretty good restrant to pass time^^).

ここもほとんど完璧で文句なしなんですが、so that だけ、
So,I am・・・とすると自然かと思います。

ぶらつく、はstrollingでいいと思うのですが、
strolling in the cityというと、ちょっと範囲広いかな、と。
市内のとおりをぶらついたり、カフェで読書、という感じなので

So,I am often strolling around the street and reading some books in the small cafe,in this city.

という風にすれば、自然かも。alwaysはoftenとさせていただきました。

＞But Seeing past my shoulder to the days before here, it makes me a little shiver..It was beyond my imagination, actually, I have never imagined this travel had been this hard way... In fact, I struggled to this small city...

ええと、ちょっとここのところだけ、分かりにくいです。
振り返ってみれば、少し寒気がした・・それは想像以上であった・・
と続くのですが、何故、this trabelがhard timeになりえたのか、
病気だったからですよね。それを先に書いたほうがいいと思います。

Though I regret to say that,I had a terrible sickness which was beyond may imagination actually,and under the circumstances,I had very hard time and stuggled in vain in this small city.

大変残念なことに、私は恐ろしい病気になってしまい、
（それは実際、想像を超えるようなひどい病気で）
そういうわけで、私は大変困難な時を過ごし、何とかしようと必死にもがいたが無駄だったのです。

・・のような文章はいかがでしょうか。

病状のところは、いいと思います。
＞water-like something

これは、下痢のことでしょうか。
下痢をする、で
have loose bowels
have an attach of diarrhea
などがあります。

便というのは、あまり使いたくない？単語でしょうが
excretaか、feces
ゆるい便で、loose fecesなので、

I had an attach of diarrhea and had like fluid feces.
後半はかなり直接的ですね。like fluid oneとかでもいいかも。（液状の）

＞It was terrible expression.

It was too terrible experience I had ever had for me to express in words!
(It was beyond expression!)

それは、私が今まで経験した中で、あまりにも恐ろしい体験で、言葉で言い表せません！

のようにするのは、どうでしょうか。
大変だったんですね・・・１０キロもお痩せになったとは。
大丈夫なのでしょうか。心配になってきました。
どうぞ、お大事に！！！

お礼

丁寧に回答ありがとうございます！

It's the second day for me to stay here.
（hereを直接付けるだけだと文のリズムがおかしくなるかな）

This is very good city to spend my time.
This city is comfortable enough for me to stay.
ふむふむ。

So, I am often strolling around the street and reading some books in the small cafe, in this city.
いいですね！自然なリズムです。aroundを使う事を憶えました。

Though I regret to say that, I had a terrible sickness which was beyond my imagination acturlly, and under the circumstances, I had very har time and struggled in vain in this small city.
うむ。in vainを思い出しました！

下痢をする：have loose bowels, have an atach of diarrhea
便：excreta, feces
ゆるい便：loose feces

I had an attach of diarrhea and had like fluid feces. like fluid one!

It was too terrible experience I had ever had for me to express in words!(It was beyond expression!)
express in words「言葉で言い表す」を憶えました！

回答ありがとうございます。
病状は実は３番まであるんです。
このような質問はあまり良い質問ではないと思うので、（個人的すぎる）この手紙の続きを質問しようか迷っています。

回答No.4

meemeemee

どうも、meemeemeeです。
あらら、sをわすれてましたか。
もちろんいるとおもいますが... 。

お礼

ありがとうございます。

回答No.3

meemeemee

Hi, I am in Kathmandu* now. It's a* second day to stay* here. This is a* very good city to spend some* time, so * I am always strolling in the city and reading some books in the small cafe *(astonishingly there are many pretty good restaurant* to spend my* time^^).

But looking back* the days before coming* here* gives me shiver a little*. It was beyond my imagination, actually, I have never imagined this travel could be* this hard... In fact, I struggled for getting to* this small city...

Details* of the* Sufferings:
1. Because of High fever (38 Celsius*), no appetite* (vomiting*), water-like something ? and loose emotion ? (lethargy?), I was hospitalized for two days in DELHI. When I arrived there, it's even difficult for me to walk! I was told that my weight was* 45 kg, which was* 10 kg lighter* than my ordinary weight! It was terrible to hear that*. It was the* 7th day in India. I couldn't eat any solid meals for 5 days!

お礼

Thanks for your teacher-like suggestion!
It's very helpful for me!!

[I'll rewrite inreference with your suggestion.]

HI, I am in Kathmandu（スペルの間違い）now. It's a second day to stay here. This is a very good city to spend some time, so I am always strolling in the city and reading some books in the small cafe (astonishingly there are many pretty good restaurant to spend my time).

But looking back the days before coming here gives me shiver a little. It was beyond my imagination, actually. I have never imagined this travel could be this hard... In fact, I struggled for getting to this small city...

Details of the sufferings:
1. Because of High fever(38 Celsius), no appetite(vomiting), water-like something?（下痢の事をいいたかったのです！）and loose emothion?（lethargyというのが正しいのかもしれません。インドの医者は必ずといっていいほど、「だるさ」のことをloose emotionと表現します。僕もインド英語だなぁと感じながら書いてしまいました。だるさはtirednessとかfatigueがいいのでしょうか？）. I was hospitalized for two days in DELHI. When I arrived there, it's even difficult for me to walk! I was told that my weight was 45 kg, which was 10 kg lighter than my ordinary weight! It was terrible to hear that. It was the 7th day in India. I couldn't eat any solid meals for 5 days!

☆一つ質問があります。
最初のほうで僕はmany pretty good restaurantと書いていますが、これはrestaurantsと複数形にする必要はないのでしょうか？restaurantがフランス語から来ているから英語のスタイルの複数形をとらないのでしょうか？

出来れば教えてください。
回答ありがとうございました。

回答No.1

noname#74732

＞This is very good city to pass time
　This is very good city to have my spare time

>so that I am always strolling in the city
so I often walk around in the city

>reading some books in the small cafe restaurant (astonishingly there are many pretty good restrant to pass time^^).
reading some books in a cafe(....there are many good restaurants to spend some time

>But Seeing past my shoulder to the days before here, it makes me a little shiver..It was beyond my imagination, actually, I have never imagined this travel had been this hard way... In fact, I struggled to this small city...
もうちょっと分かり易い文に代えた方がいいと思いますよ。意味がちょっと？？なので・・・

>Because of High fever(38 Celcius), no appitite(vomition), water-like something and loose emotion, I was hospitalized for two days in DELHI. When I arrived there, it's even difficult for me to walk! I was said 45 kg. 10 kg lesser than my ordinary weight! It was terrible expression. It was 7th day in India. I couldn't eat any solid meals for 5 days!

Because of a high fever(38℃), I had no appetite(feeling sick), diarrhea and ??. As a result, I was hospitalized for 2 days in Delhi. When I got there..... . I even lost 10 kg. That was 7th day in India and ...

お礼

漠然とした質問に回答有り難うございました。

This is very gooc city to have my spare time.

so I often walk around in the city.

reading some books in a cafe (there are many good restaurants to spend some time)

Because of a high fever (38C). I had no appetite (feeling sick), diarrhea. As a result, I was hospitalized for 2 days in Delhi. When I got there... I even lost 10 kg. That was 7th day in India and...