添削おねがいできますか？

質問

問い
日本の喫煙状況について100字程度で答えよ。（以下の質問の答えも含めよ）
日本では男女共にタバコを吸うか？日本では禁煙運動が行われているか？禁煙運動についてどう思うか。

In Japan both men and women smoke but recently the number of women smoker are increasing. Anti-smoking campaign is often waged by citizen group.

In my opinion, we have to promote this campaign in a large scale. This is because smoking is harmful for not only the smoker but also us, passive-smoker. Often someone who loves cigarette may insist that they do not make nuisance for others. However smoking passively is more possible to the lung cancer than the direct smoker. Also pregnant mothers who smoke almost kill their own child.

回答No.1

MayIHELPY · ベストアンサー

意味が十分に伝わるわかりやすい英文なのですが、単複の誤り等について添削だけさせていただきましたので、比較してみてください。疑問点がありましたら再質問をお願いします。

(1) In Japan both men and women smoke but recently the number of women smoker are increasing. Anti-smoking campaign is often waged by citizen group.

添削文
In Japan both men and women smoke, but recently the number of woman smokers is increasing. Anti-smoking campaigns are often waged by citizens' groups.

(a) the number of + 複数形　　動詞は、通常はthe numberに合わせます。

(2) In my opinion, we have to promote this campaign in a large scale.

添削
In my opinion, we have to promote these campaigns on a larger scale.

(3) This is because smoking is harmful for not only the smoker but also us, passive-smoker.

添削
This is because smoking is harmful for not only the smoker him- or herself but also us, passive smokers around him or her.

(a) 「喫煙者自身だけでなく、周囲の受動喫煙者にとっても」としました。

(4) Often someone who loves cigarette may insist that they do not make nuisance for others.

添削
Some who love cigarettes often insist that they do not make nuisance for others.

(a) このような場合は、some～を使い、「ある人は～する」= 「～する人もいる」という意味になります。

(5) However smoking passively is more possible to the lung cancer than the direct smoker. Also pregnant mothers who smoke almost kill their own child.

添削
However, smoking passively is far more likely to cause lung cancer than smoking directly.

(a) smoking passivelyを使っているので、smoking directlyに揃えました。
passive smoking is ～than direct smokingの形も可能です。
(b) smoking passively is more possibleにすると、「受動喫煙する可能性がより高くなる」という意味になります。

(6) Also pregnant mothers who smoke almost kill their own child.

添削文
Smoking pregnant women might also kill their own children.
又は
Smoking pregnant women might also have miscarriages or stillbirth.(流産又は死産のおそれがある)

(a) 原文は、「自分の子供をあやうく殺す」という強い意味になるため、might 又はmayを用いて「～のおそれがある」としたほうが良いと思います(mayのほうがおそれが強くなります)。

お礼

丁寧に添削していただいてありがとうございます。

英検準一級を受けるのですが、単純なミスが目立って嫌になりますね笑
mightなども使えるように意識してみます。というより、もっと単複を意識して書いてみます。

ありがとうございました。