英作文の添削をお願いします。

質問

英作文が苦手なので、上達のため英文を書いてみました。
文法上の間違い、文章の構造などについて、アドバイスをください。

テーマは「大学の秋入学について」です
Recently,many universities are considering whether change the admission season from spring to autumn　or not. This attempt arouse wide public concern, and, of course the public divided into supporｔer and opponent.

In my opinion, it is beneficial to universities. Under the existing system, because of the different program between Japanese university and foreign university, each students are hard to study in abroad.So, If the attempt carry out, many Japanese students are easier to go abroad and Universities can receive more international students. Moreover the increasing of international students in Japan can improve Japanese students' sense of competition and cooperation.

However, opponent says this attempt can destroy Japanese traditional culture. They think globalization is equal to imitating USA, and Japan should have own position in the world.

As far as I concerned,the opponent's opinion is too much exaggerated. Foreign country is not only USA , but also including non-English country. And we can't neglect Japanese culture. If the globalization will be success, Japan's economy turn to good condition gradualｙ.

From the above thing, I support the autumn admission.

回答No.1

princelilac

recently ※「つい先頃」は過去か現在完了で使います。→ lately に
whether they should change にします。
is arousing
public has divided between supporters and opponents

different programs
a Japanese university and a foreign university
abroad ※in 不要
attempt is carried out
universities
receive more students internationally ※more が international を修飾するように思われる

the USA
its own posotion

I am concerned
Foreign countris are ... the USA
non-English countries

globalization ※無冠詞 the globalization of financail markets のように何を国際化するのかがあれば the をつける。
will be successful
the Japanese economy will turn
gradually

お礼

お早い回答ありがとうございます。
とても参考になりました。