- 締切済み
エッセーの添削おねがいします。
文法だけでなくここはこう言ったほうがいいんじゃない？みたいなのもありました、どうぞ教えてください。 Education System of Two Countries It is the common objective of educational system in any countries to foster its citizens to become productive members of its society. Every country has its own education system. Two countries United States and Japan have also their own education systems. After World War II, the Japanese education system was built based on American's education system, so the education system in the United States and Japan have a lot in common fundamentally. American and Japanese educational principle is similar; however, the entrance processes are quite different. At first glance, pursuing university education of American and Japanese universities appears to be straightforward. The basic system seems to be identical. Both countries have two-year university, four-year university and technical school. Students enter college after they have graduated from high school, or simply demonstrate their ability to get higher education. Students can take any classes that they wish to take and they are free to devote most of their time to education. Both countries put from 6 years to 15 years old children under an obligation to be taken education. Even though American and Japanese university basic system seems to be identical, the entrance processes are vary significantly. In America, compared with Japanese university, it is easy to enter university. Students do not have to take the admission examination for entrance, but all students need is just submit the required documents like high school transcript. So students need to get good grade in high school. When students enter university, they are not required the good academic skills. However, it is difficult to get units and graduate from university, because they have to show their good skills in the class, so not a few students who can’t get the units and it take much time to graduate. In short, students who want to enter American university need to study hard after entering university. On the other hand, at Japanese university, it is difficult to enter university. Students have to take admission examination instead of submitting the required documents to enter. For Japanese universities, it differs from American universities in that you need to take an entrance exam for the specific university. If you pass the exam then your high school grades don’t matter at all. In short, contrary to American university, students who wish to enter Japanese university need to study hard before entering university. To conclude, while basically, American and Japanese education system are similar, the entrance processes to enter university are poles apart.
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- IXTYS
- ベストアンサー率30% (965/3197)
大変立派な文章です。 語彙も豊富で使い方も正確です。 少し気付きを入れてみました。 参考になれば光栄です。 出だしを直してみて気付きました。 ご本人が原文を何回も読んで、推敲されるのがベスト。 あなたの語学力ならじゅうぶんお出来になります。 Education System of Two Countries One of the most common objective of educational system is to foster its citizens to become productive members of the society universally. It goes without saying that every country has its indigenous education system traditionally. For example, two countries such as United States and Japan have established their own education systems. After World War II, the Japanese government made some major alteration to its education system referring to the American's education system, and therefore, now we can see a lot of common features between those of two countries fundamentally. Their principle looks similar but the accessing process is completely different with each other.
- kiichi0805
- ベストアンサー率53% (59/111)
どういう用途の文章かは分かりませんが、よく書けていると思います。 確かに多少の文法ミス（特に単数形・複数形）と文意が通じていない 部分もありますが、すごくdescriptiveな文章だと思います。 （すみません、さすがに長いので、細かい文法チェックは しませんが、単数形・複数形はもう1度チェックするべきかと 思います。） 気になったのは第2パラグラフの1文め、At first glanceからです。 pursuing...の文章は意味が通っていません。多分、言いたいのは システムはよく似ているという点でしょうか？で、あれば、 At first glance, American and Japanese universities broadly share the same educational systems.で、この場合、The basicの 文章は削除しておきます。redundantなので。 あと、大学受験に向けての文章であれば問題ありませんが、 もしも、一般的なassignment paperである場合ならば、 appear to beやseem to beなどのvague wordsは絶対に 避けなければいけません。
