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"Dear Prudie, I am a married woman in my early 40s with young children whose longtime, local job in New England is being transitioned to the corporate office in the Midwest. My husband works for the same company and has a job offer there and we’ve decided to relocate. The company is compensating us generously. The issue is that my mother, who’s in her late 60s, is having a very difficult time accepting our decision. She insists that I stay, even though she knows it would put my family at financial risk since I would no longer have a job. She is giving me guilt trips laden with mentions of emotional abandonment, threats that she’d “rather not be alive” if I go, and accusations of putting greed before family. We have asked her to move with us, and she refuses. We have told her we can bring her out for weeks at a time to stay with us, which she also refuses because she said she won’t drive such long distances and doesn’t like to fly. I understand her sadness, but I’m becoming angry and resentful that she thinks it is a viable answer to put my family in financial peril for her. Please help.
—Leaving on a Jet Plane?
Dear Jet, Though I don’t buy her claims of emotional abandonment, I do buy that you are being emotionally blackmailed. Your mother is insinuating she’ll kill herself if you follow the absolutely necessary path of transferring to headquarters. I believe that’s an empty threat, but if she keeps this up, she’ll only make your move easier by causing you to want to flee her harangues. You don’t say that your mother is infirm, so while she may not be up to driving herself such long distances, there’s no excuse for her to say she’ll refuse to get on a plane for a relatively short hop. But flying to see you wouldn’t even be necessary if she’d agree to take you up on your offer of moving to the Midwest. Presumably, she’s a lifelong New Englander with a web of family and friends, so she may not want to start over. But that’s her decision, and it means spending time with you and the grandchildren will require travel. Tell her you’re going, her options have been explained to her, and you are going to refuse to listen to more weeping and wailing. If she starts in, hang up the phone or leave—until you leave for good. "
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ありがとうございました