英作文の添削をおねがいします
英作文の添削をお願いします。
テーマ：食の安全について（自分の食生活とみんなが健康的で安全なものを食べるために社会はどうしたらよいか）
錠けン：150字以上 ３パラグラフ構成以上 序論・本論・結論が明確であること
Today, the problems of food quality and safety have been in the news more than before. As you know, eating is one of the most important habits in daily life, so I care about what I eat every day. Because I live with my family, my mother or I can cook by her or myself. Thus, I can eat healthy food such as flesh vegetables, fruits, meat and fish.
However, if I have to live alone, I should sometimes buy the meal at the convenience store when I am busy and unable to cook. In addition, this is the problem for people who live alone. Although a lot of convenience store stand everywhere in the city, most of meals they sell are not healthy, like high-calorie, salty, or including high levels of chemicals. Eating these foods usually harm their health.
I suggest that society should make the convenience stores sell more healthy food if they make sure that we all eat good and healthy food. When they so, even people who live themselves will be able to eat safety and be more healthy.（１８３words）
本論の展開（自分の食生活から社会全体に結び付ける展開）が思い浮かばず、
無理やり結論にもっていった感じがいなめません。。。
英作文を書くときに軽く構成は書き出すものの、何度も消して書いてを繰り返してしまうのですが、
これをあまりしなくて済むコツなどあれば教えていただきたいです。
よろしくお願いします。
お礼
なるほど。 非常に参考になります。 ありがとうございます。 もう少しほかの解釈も考えて見ます。 視野を与えてくださりありがとうございました。