文章構成
essayを英語で書いてみたのですが、文章構成は正しく書けてますでしょうか？？また、文法間違えなどありましたら指摘していただければ幸いです。
よろしくお願いします。
By punishing murderes with the death penalty, society is also guilty of commiting murder.
Therefore, life in prison is a better punishment for murderers.
To what extent do you agree od disagree with this statement?
Given reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
The crimes have been rose dramatically by development of society.
All of offenders are obliged to come in the prison in all of countries.
Moreover, we believe that it is better to come in the prison.
However, it is reported a case which the offenders who sent up at the prison stirs comes again.
Although I almost agree with the following statement, I think strongly that there are improvements in the system which the offenders should only come in the prison.
First of all, There is a case which the offenders obliged the crimes again.
This meant that education of the prison was not speeded to the offenders well.
So, I think strongly that the educational system of the prison needs to change greatly.
In the solution to the education system, the government should establish a new educational system which has time of the moral educational.
Also, the government needs to assure their life after the offenders sent up the prison.
For example, the government gives a new job for the offenders.
Secondly, we believed that the offenders should be come in the prison because the offenders should atone for the victims.
In addition, we think strongly that the system such as the prison need not change.
For example, It is a good opportunities to think again that the offenders come in the prison
Thirdly, we also should change a view for the offenders.
If they go out society, we need watch warmly for them.
In conclusion, it is necessary to come in the prison if anyone obliges crimes, whereas the government, including the nation needs to think how to remedy the offenders
Besides, When they went out went out society, we should watch warmly them.
