自由英作文の添削をお願いします
周りに添削を頼めるような人がいないので、自由英作文の添削をお願いします。ネット上で細かく添削するのは大変だと思いますので、文法上誤っている点の指摘や全体を見ての感想・アドバイスをいただけるとうれしいです。よろしくお願いします。
(問)次の意見について100文字以上の英文で意見を述べなさい。
Multicalturalism is important in today\'s world.
(答)
I agree with this statement.
Firstly,more and more people in the world go abroad to study and to earn money these days.There are many foreign people around us.If we adopt particular culture,we can\'t get along with people who have the different culture.
Secondly,they know different things from us.we can get many knowledge from them.It is a pity that we cat\'t learn many things by discrimination.
Certainly,if we live in the place where thare are people who have the same culture,we feel comfortable and happy.
But it is much interesting that we interact with them.
Aiso,Muiticulturalism is adopted including Canada,America,and France,and those countries flourish.
Thus,Multiculturalism is important in today\'s world.