添削お願いします。

質問

英作文に添削お願いします。

I respect Ai Miyazato who is a prefessional golfer.There are several reasons for it.
First, she has a lot of victories, because she is tough.She has won the 1st prize many times from junior high school student until present time.Second, she is good at not only golf but also English.She has taken place in American tour since 2006, so she has spent a lot of time in Amica.At first, she coudn't speak English well, but she can speak it well now.Third, she always care her fashion.She choose her clothes by herself.She has an eye, so she is fashionable.Fourth, she has her motto;"Where there is a will, there is a way."（意志あるところに道はある）This motto strikes to the heart, so I like it.She has her own mind. It is reason why she is tough.For these seasons, I respect Ai Miyazato very much, so I am going to continue supporting her.

回答No.1

angkolwhat

I respect Ai Miyazato*[,] (who is) a prefessional golfer.There are [several→four] reasons for [it→this]. First, she has a lot of [victories→winning records], because she is [tough→working hard]. She has won the 1st prize many times *[from→since she was a] junior high school student until [present time→recently]. Second, she is good at not only golf but also English. She has taken *[place→part] in [many] American tour[s] since 2006, so she (has) spent a lot of time in Amica. At first, she coudn't speak English well, but she can speak it well now. Third, she always care her fashion. She [always] choose her clothes by herself. She has an eye [for fashion], so she is [always] fashionable [in front of us]. Fourth, she has her motto;"Where there is a will, there is a way."（意志あるところに道はある）This motto strikes *[me] to the heart, so I like it[, too]. She has her own mind. [It→This] is [the] reason why she is [always] tough. For these seasons, I respect [Ai Miyazato→her] very much[,→.] [so→So] I am going to continue supporting her.

人の見ていないところでがんばっているところがあなたとの共通点ですね．飾り気のない表現で，かえって好感を持てました．
(不要)
[追加]
[削除→書きかえ]

欲張って訂正しすぎたようです．*マークだけの添削で十分です．参考にしてください．