英語の添削

質問

英語(英文)の添削

学校の授業で書いてきてくださいといわれて書いたものです。
どこかおかしい所や、他の表現に変えた方が良いところがあれば教えてください。

自分のお気に入りの場所の紹介文です。

I know there are many parks in Aichi. One of my favorite places is a park called Tsutsujinosato. The park was complicated in 1992. I was surprised that the year is the same as my birth year. The park is located by windmills. There are a lot of trees around the park, so the atomosphere is quite and peaceful. We can be relaxed. The park is famous for a long slide of strange shape. Itlooks like a big snake. It makes the place funny. An open space in the park that I often play baseball with my friends is very large. A steam locomotive has long stopped n the park but it took off too many years ago. Now, Nakagawa city keep it and we can enjoy riding on it. In spring, the park is filled with a lot of flowers of azalea. It is very beautiful. We can feel its sweet smell. Therefore, I recomend to visit in April. There are a lot of happy points in Tsutsujinosato. It is the best place for me to play.

自分が気になるところは、文頭に多少The parkが多いことです。他は自分の今の力ではどうしようもなくて・・・
指摘して下さる方がいれば本当に助かります。よろしくお願いします。

回答No.4

bigcats99

//I know there are many parks in Aichi. One of my favorite places is a park called Tsutsujinosato.
もう少しパラグラフのトピックについて考えてみましょう。
上の文だと、「私は愛知のたくさんの公園を知っている。私のお気に入りの場所の一つはツツジの里と呼ばれる」というふうに、あたなたが沢山の公園について詳しいことが文の趣旨なのか、それとも「ツツジの里についてが」そうなのか、少し混乱するところがあります。
cohesion維持ややtopic sentenceの用法についてまだあまり心配する必要は無いかもしれませんが、そのあたりを向上させるとぐっと読みやすくなりますよ。
Among many parks I know in Aichi, my favourite is a park called Tsutsujinosato.

//The park is located by windmills.
The park is located by the windmillsですね。windmillsは特定の建造物を表していますから。このTheは　we went to the same schoolと同じように、「そういう物があるの！！突っ込まないで」という時に使われるものです。

//We can be relaxed
だれかにリラックスさせられるわけではないので（リラックス怪人が出て強制的にリラックスされるわけじゃないですよね？）、we can relaxかwe feel relaxed. 他の文とのつながりを考えると、it's a place we can relax　でしょうか。

//it makes the place funny
funny placeとなると、こう訪れる人が笑い出すような感じの場所かちょっと不気味な場所ということになってしまいます。　It makes the place look funny の方が良いと思いますよ。

//A steam locomotive has long stopped n the park but it took off too many years ago.
ちょっと突然過ぎますね。公園に機関車が走っていたことを知らせずに機関車が止まったと書いています。
There used to be a steam locomotive running in the park but it went off service years ago. のように、機関者が公園にあったことを先に伝えましょう。
あとbutの用法を調べといたほうがいいかもしれません。

//Nakagawa city keep it
keepは持ち続けるという意味合いがあるので、取得したなら has got itの方がいいですよ。

//and we can enjoy riding on it
所属が変わっ他にもかかわらずというニュアンスなので、butです。still も付けて変りないことを強調しましょう。onは微妙ですがなくてもいい気がします。riding on horseはともかく、riding on busはまるでバスに巨人が跨るみたいに私には聞こえます。
but we can still enjoy riding it

//Therefore, I recommend to visit in April
文法的にはthereforeが正しいんですが、口語的にはsoですね（ただこちらは文法的に間違いなのです・・・ぎゃ～～）。ここは先生と相談してくださいね。
So, I recommend you to visit there in April.

//There are a lot of happy points
pointsはこういう文脈ではあまり使われないように思えます。placesか
spotsが一般的です。

回答No.3

owenjd

I know there are many parks in Aichi.
- There are many parks in Aichi.

One of my favorite places is a park called Tsutsujinosato.
- One of my favorites parks is Tsutsujinosato.

The park was complicated in 1992.
- The park was completed in 1992.

I was surprised that the year is the same as my birth year.
- Surprisingly, that is the same year I was born.

The park is located by windmills. 正しいです。

There are a lot of trees around the park, so the atomosphere is quite and peaceful.
- There are many trees in the park which makes it peaceful.
or
- The park is quiet and peaceful with many trees.

We can be relaxed.
- I can relax there.

The park is famous for a long slide of strange shape.
- The park is famous for its long, strangely shaped slide.

It looks like a big snake. 正しいです。

It makes the place funny.
- It makes the park look funny.

An open space in the park that I often play baseball with my friends is very large.
- There is a large open space in the park where I play baseball with my friends.

A steam locomotive has long stopped n the park but it took off too many years ago.
- A steam locomotive once ran through the park.

Now, Nakagawa city keep it and we can enjoy riding on it.
- It was moved to Nakagawa where it is still used.

In spring, the park is filled with a lot of flowers of azalea.
- The park is full of azalea that bloom in spring.

It is very beautiful.
- It's very beautiful.

We can feel its sweet smell.
- The flowers smell sweet.

Therefore, I recomend to visit in April.
- I recommend visiting in April.

There are a lot of happy points in Tsutsujinosato. It is the best place for me to play.
- There are many reasons to visit Tsutsujinosato. It's my favorite place to hangout.

英語についてもっと詳しく聞きたいことがあれば、このサイトがいいですよ。

参考URL：

http://www.mondaiwa.com/jp/

回答No.2

SPS700

１。　第三番目の文にある complicated は completed　ではありませんか。park が多すぎればこの文は It で始めても通じます。

２。The park is located by windmills.　「公園は風車によって位置される」修正が必要です。

３。atomsphere is quiet でしょうね。

４。n > in, recomend > recommend などスペルチェッカーを使うといいでしょう。

５。 A steam locomotive was on display for a number of years in the park, but it is now moved to Nakagawa city. というのも一案でしょう。自力で来園したり発車したりした訳ではないでしょうから。

　英語は何年勉強したのですか。よくできています。

回答No.1

ocypodidae

Of the many parks in Aichi, one of my favorites is Tsutsujinosato. The park was completed in 1992. I was surprised as this is the same year as I was born. The park is characterised by windmills. There are many trees surrounding the park, so the atomosphere is quiet and peaceful, a place where I can relax. The park is famous for its long snake-like slide. I often hang out and play baseball with my mates in the large open field. A steam train used to run in the park but its service was cancelled some time ago. Now it runs in Nakagawa city, so we can keep riding on it. In spring, the park is filled with beautiful azalea flowers, which have a sweet fragrance. I whole-heartedly recommend a visit in April. Tsutsujinosato is a great place to hang out in and enjoy the colours of Spring.