英文の添削をお願いします！！

質問

英語が非常に苦手な者です（泣）明日は英語のスピーチがあるのですが時間が無いので助けてほしいです！！英文の添削をよろしくお願いします。
英文：I am agreeable about education at ease. I became a five-day working week, and the time that was freedom increased. However, when was reduced 30%, and learning contents caused decline in academic ability by reduction of learning contents by education at ease; of dissenting opinion a person is, too. However, I think that I am not caused by only education at ease. I think it not to lead to decline in academic ability only by having reduced quantity. The reason is because it thinks that it is quality than quantity. It is a duty of a teacher that improve quality. All the teachers cooperate and think that it is important a thing, a student raising learning will of a student advance and learn it, and to make an effort.

日本語：私はゆとり教育について賛成である。週休二日制になって、自由な時間が増えた。しかし、ゆとり教育によって学習内容が三割削減され、学習内容の削減によって学力低下を招いたと反対意見の人もいる。しかし、ゆとり教育だけが原因ではないと思う。私は量を減らしただけでは学力低下に繋がらないと思う。それは量より質であると思うからだ。質を向上させるのは教師の役目だ。教師がみな協力して、生徒の学習意欲を高めること、生徒も進んで学び努力をすることが大事だと思う。

回答No.1

seegrammar · ベストアンサー

文を拝見しますと、ポイントは
・ゆとり教育をどう訳すか。
・主語、冠詞ぬけが多々ある。ex)when (it) was reduced
・動詞の形態が不適切、多々ある。ex)I think it (does) not lead
など細かな点を見直し、文法は簡単な文法で十分しゃべれるはずです。

以下参考にしてください。
I basically agree with the more relaxed education policy. We have free time more than we used to since the five-day work was introduced.
On the other hand, the quantity of study hours was decreased by 30%, which is said to lead to a decline of academic ability of Japanese high shcool students.
In my opinion, this is not the only cause because reducing the quantitiy of study hours may not be as severe....
"Quality is better than quantity."
Improving the education quality is definitely what we must do as a teacher.
The most important thing is that we need to join forces to make students be interested in studying...............

お礼

ありがとうございます！！参考にさせていただきます☆

回答No.2

wakkarahen

まず、貴英文で気がつく点を少し（時間的に全てに言及できないので、一部についてのみ）：

I became a five-day ...　I とは？
,when was reduced 30%,　とありますが、何がreduced　なのかわかりません。
a ddesserting opinion a person is　？？
...because it thinks ...　it はthinkしません。　I ですか?

英文作成するときは、構文をきちんと考え（基本的に主語、述語をきちんと）、内容の流れを考えて・・・また、日本語以上に「論理」的な内容、流れに・・・

「週休二日制のなって自由な時間が増えた。」とありますが、前後関係がいまいち不明な気がしますし、その他のところの「論理」は適当に判断して以下：　(なお、「ゆとり教育」は英字新聞などではcram-free education, education eith latitudeなどと表現しています。

試訳（大学受験生レベルを考え）：

I am for "cram-free" education. Its aim is to allow children to have more time for themselves and develop more of their individual potential under the five-day school week system.

Those who oppose the education with latitude policy argue that it has caused a decline in children's academic performance because the core curriculum was cut by 30 percent.

I don't think cram-free education is only to blame. In my opinion, a reduced curriculum alone does not lead to a drop in children's academic ability; it is "quality," not "quantity," that counts. It is the role of teachers to improve and enhance the quality of education. Teachers at every school should cooperate to motivate their students so they are highly encouraged to study positively.

お礼

丁寧に説明してくださってありがとうございます。勉強になります！！参考にさせていただきますm(><)m