英文添削お願いします。迷子

質問

My kid is lost. I noticed he'd dissapired without knowing when I was （shoppping）around the vegetable corner.Actually, I felt something wrong with my son because his voice faded/died out before I knew it even though/as he usually stayed by my side and appealed to me for a snack whenever we come here.

要旨は「子供が迷子なんです。野菜コーナーにいる時知らぬ間にいなくなっていたんです。実は、ここに来る時は側にいておやつを買ってとねだるのに（as=買ってとねだるので）、声が聞こえなくなり息子に何か違和感を感じたんです。」のようなものなのですが、添削して頂き何か良い表現や接続詞用法があれば教えて頂ければ幸いです。

回答No.3

cbm51901 · ベストアンサー

No.2 です。
ではなるだけ原文を変えずに考えてみます。
Actually, I felt something [was] wrong with my son because his voice faded before I knew it even though he usually stays by my side and appeals to me for a snack whenever we come here.

(1) 接続詞としての even though:
~ before I knew it の後に even though を持ってくるのはやはり不自然だと思います。文を繋げるのであれば、~ because his voice faded before I knew it, which was odd considering he usually stays by my side ~ の方が自然です。

(2)whenever の位置:
文末に持ってくることもできます。ですが、文の前半に置いた方がベターだと思います。~ because his voice faded before I knew it, which was odd considering whenever we coome here, he usually stays by my side and appeals to me for a snack.

お礼

ありがとうございます。

回答No.2

cbm51901

My kid [got]*1 lost. He'd disappeared without [me noticing] [while] I was shoppping [in] the vegetable [section.] Actually, I [did feel]*2 something [was] wrong because [my son's] voice [had disappeared.] [You see,]*3 whenever we come here, [my son] would stay close to me, [pestering*4 me to buy him] a snack.

*1. get lost: 迷子になる
*2: I felt ⇒ I did feel として（嫌な予感がしたことを強調）
*3: You see は口語的表現で、「いえね、」
*4: to pester someone ⇒ ～にしつこくねだる

お礼

ありがとうございます。

補足

原文のbecause以降にeven thoughと接続詞や文末にwheneverを使うのは不自然な表現用法なのでしょうか？

回答No.1

noname#232424

これが事実で本当に困惑しているなら，一刻もはやい対応が必要であり，よけいなことを書かないでいいと思います。
My son/daughter aged four dissapired when I was shoppping around the vegetable corner. It was about 4:30pm. He/She has black eyes and was wearing a dark blue coat.
細部は実情にあわせて変えてください。