英語文（長文）の添削お願いします。

質問

課題で提出するものです。間違っているところや訂正した方がいいところがありましたら、できれば説明つきでお願いします。とくに最後の段落は間違えている箇所があると思うのでアドバイスお願いします。

Comics and Animations

Comics are very popular in Japan.Itbecomes popular not only regardless of age.Comics and animations of Japan has been highly regarded internationally since the latter half of 1980s.Well,why are many people interested in them?

The first reason,I think that people feel interested in comics.The Japanese comics have various topics like love,gag,animals,job and others.Thereby,many people find them attractive, the interesting and sympathetic.Other reason is that it is easy for us to understand the contents by pictures.Because people get much information from sight.Comics can be understood easier than the novels with only letters.Some people like the picture or the character of the comic's story.

Furthermore,the comics and the animations cause a large amount of economic effects.The movies of Studio Giburi,for example get high income in Japan.There are goods and the events development too.The goverment is trying hard to spread it abroad.Pokemon,Dragon Ball and others are popular abroad.People who have interest in Japanese comics and animations are also interested in Japan and visit there.

In Japan, the sales of comics fall under the influence of declining birthrate.Therefore foreign market is more and more important for Japanese economy.Even the Japanese goverment promotes it.Japanese comics are watched by all the world with interest.(It will be a pleasure in future how we spread it.)

最後のカッコのところは変えた方がいいと先生にいわれました。自分で思いつかなかったので何かありましたらお願いします。まったく別の文にしても大丈夫です。

回答No.1

SPS700 · ベストアンサー

１。最初の文は現状。第２文は、becomes と現状に時間的に到達する過程の動詞の現在形。これは別の動詞を使うか、 became にすれば不自然さが無くなります。

２。文節のはじめに主題を置くと読みやすくなります。例えば。第２節は題材、 subject matter を早く使うといいと思います。

３。reason の数を特定し、二つなら the first ~, the other ~、三つなら the first, the second~　など、と明示した方が、理路整然とした印象を与えます。

４。２節２文。形容詞が三つ並ぶ中、 interesting だけに　the　が付いて名詞になっていますが、これを正当化する理由はあるのでしょうか。

５。２節３文。動詞が is ですから。主語が単数、しかし無冠詞の other が前にある、一体理由は幾つあるの？という疑問が読み手に起こります。

６。２節最後の文。the picture、 the character、the comic's story　のように特定の単数になっていますが、それに相当する「一つの特定」が見当たりません。

７。括弧の中は In the future comics might become a useful tool in education.など色々あるでしょう。

お礼

ありがとうございます。助かりました！

回答No.2

cbm51901

Comics and Animations.

Comics are very popular in Japan. THEY[1] ARE[2] popular ACROSS ALL age GROUPS[3]. JAPANESE comics and animations ARE[4] highly regarded internationally since the latter half of the 1980s. Well, why are many people interested in them?

FIRSTLY, I think the reason why people ARE[5] interested in comics, IS THAT the comics ENCOMPASS[6] A VARIETY OF topics SUCH AS love, gags, animals, AND jobs. THEREFORE many people find them attractive AND interesting, and FEEL EMPATHY TOWARD[7] THE CHARACTERS.

THE SECOND reason is that it is easy for us to understand the contents BECAUSE OF THE pictures. People CAN OBTAIN much information BY JUST SEEING THE PICTURES. BESIDES, some people ENJOY the pictures IN THEIR OWN RIGHT[8]. Comics ARE EASY TO understood than novels, WHICH only CONSIST OF letters.

THIRDLY, FROM THE VIEWPOINT OF THE PEOPLE WHO SUPPLY[9] comics and animations, WE MUST NOTE THAT comics and animations HAVE a large INFLUENCE ON the economy. The movies of "Studio Giburi," for example, GENERATE[10] high income in Japan. There are NUMEROUS goods and events ASSOCIATED WITH THEM too. The JAPANESE Government is trying hard to EXPORT THEM abroad. "Pokemon," "Dragon Ball," and others are ALSO popular abroad. SOME OF THE people who have interest in Japanese comics and animations are also interested in Japan and visit the COUNTRY.

In Japan, the sale of comics AND ANIMATIONS IS AFFECTED BY THE declining birthrate. IT MEANS THAT foreign market WILL BECOME more and more important for THE Japanese economy. IT IS NOT SURPRISING THAT the Japanese government IS TRYING TO promote EXPORTING THEM. Japanese comics AND ANIMATIONS are watched ALL OVER the world. IT WOULD BE INTERESTING TO SEE HOW THEY WILL CONTINUE TO ENTERTAIN THE AUDIENCE ABROAD[11].

[1] Comics と複数扱いなので、 it ではなく they になります。
[2] they become（～になる）よりも they are（～である）。
[3] across all age groups: http://eow.alc.co.jp/search?q=across+all+age+groups
[4] has been は複数形に、また、時制の修正も必要です。
[5] feel interested よりも are interested の方が自然です。
[6] encompass: http://eow.alc.co.jp/search?q=encompass
[7] feel empathy toward: http://eow.alc.co.jp/search?q=feel+empathy+toward
[8] in their own right: http://eow.alc.co.jp/search?q=in+its+own+right
[9]「第三に、マンガやアニメを供給する側から見てみると…」
[10] generate: http://eow.alc.co.jp/search?q=generate
[11]「THEY (日本のマンガやアニメ) がいかに海外のファンを今後とも魅了していくのか。これを見守っていくことは興味深いものです。」

【第一段落】
何故マンガやアニメが人々の興味を惹くのかについて問題提起。
【第二段落】
１つ目の理由：様々な要素が含まれており、また、キャラクターに共感できる。
【第三段落】
２つ目の理由：小説と異なり、視覚的に容易に理解できる。
【第四段落】
３つ目の理由：供給側からの視点 → 経済効果
【第五段落】
日本国内の少子化により輸出の重要性が高まっている。今後の展開に期待。

ということで、構成も良いと思います。

お礼

文章まで細かく指摘していただきありがとうございます！大変わかりやすかったです。２人とも分かりやすい回答でしたので始めの方をベストアンサーに選ばせていただきました。すみません。