明日急遽英語のスピーチをすることになりました

質問

将来の夢を話すのですが、
以下のようにまとめてみました。

文法など誤りがあったり、
言い回しがおかしかったら訂正お願いします。

Hello! Myname is ○○.
Today,I will talk about my dream.

My dream is to become one of staff members of the United Nations.
There is hardly any reason for my dream.
But I'm just fond of Mathematics and English.
So,when I thought about my dream,that was it.

I have two goals to make my dream come true.

First,I have to make more and more efforts for studying every subject to be admitted to a private university in Tokyo.
Second,after I enter university I would be have to study not only Mathematics and English but also economics.

In conclusion,I will work for the United Nations as a officer in the future.
In closing,I would like to thank you for listening so attentively.

以上です。お願いします。

回答No.2

miknnik

Good morning/afternoon. My name is xxxx.

Today, I would like to talk about my dream job. It is to become one of the staff members at the United Nations. It is difficult to explain the reasons, but one of them is that I like mathematics and English. I would like to put my skills to good use, and working for the UN seems to be a logical choice to me.

However, I must achieve two short-term goals in order to make my ultimate objective realized. First, I must study harder and excel in every subject to be accepted to a good university in Tokyo. Second, after I enter college, I must do well in not only mathematics and English but (also) economics.

I am hoping to be able to work as an officer of the UN by achieving these goals.

Thank you for listening and letting me share my dream with you.

「夢」でも良いですが、憧れの職業は英語では頻繁に dream job と言います。「理由はほとんど無い」と言っていますが、数学と英語が好きと述べているので矛盾を感じますので、この部分は訂正し余分な文も加えました。
Two goalsだけですとこれが「目標」になってしまいますので、「短期の」という形容詞が必要ですね。最終目標は final goal ですが、単語の重複を避けて ultimate objective にしました。次の文は文法には問題ありませんが、もう少し簡潔にできますので書き直しました。またその次も「勉強する」だけでなくて、良い成績をあげなければならないので、その単語も加えました。
In conclusion, in closing は同じ様に使えますので続けて使う事はありません。またこの表現は法廷で closing statement, summation と呼ばれる検察、弁護両方が何日（または何ヶ月）もかけて行ってきた調査、弁護をまとめる時に使う様なもので、ご自身の様な短いスピーチには特に必要ない様に思われます。

回答No.1

ghj99

高校生のかたですか？非常に上手にかかれていますね。

とくに手直ししなくても、これで十分だと思いますが、せっかくご質問されているので、内容はそのままで少し気になるところを変えてみます。

Hi. I am ○○.

Today, I would like to talk about my dream.

My dream is to work for the United Nations.

I don't have specific reasons for this,

but as I like Math and English, I am hoping I can use my skills for others.

That's how I came up with the idea of working for the UN.

There are two things I have to do in order to make my dream come true.

First, I have to study more to get in a university in Tokyo.

Second, I will start studying Economics besides English and Mathematics.

In conclusion, I'm strongly hoping to work for the United Nations as an officer in the future.

In closing, I would like to thank you for listening so attentively.

私も国連で働いていたことがあります。現在もNY本部のすぐ近所に住んでいます。
頑張ってくださいね。（大学在学中にあなたが貢献したい具体的な理由をさがしましょうね）