外国人俳優さんへのファンレターのチェック

質問

ハリー・ポッターシリーズの俳優さんにファンレターを出したいと思ってます。
私は英語がとても苦手なので友達に助けて貰ったり
辞書や例文などで調べながら文章を書いたのですが
あまり自信がありません。なのでチェックをお願いします。

途中途中自分の力では英語にできない個所もあり
その文章へのアドバイスもお願いしたいです。
※≪≫内に日本語で書いた部分です

Dearest, Mr,James Phelps＆Mr,Oliver Phelps

Hello.How are you？
My name is ●●　●●.
I'm 15years old.
I'm one of your fans in Japan.
This is my first letter in English.

I knew your name from “ハリー・ポッターと賢者の石(長いので日本語で)”
I have been one of your most enthusiastic fans since I first saw you in “ハリー・ポッターと賢者の石”
I love Fred and George.
They were really attractive.
I thought they were very cool.
≪携帯のメールアドレスの中にmischievous twin(悪戯好きな双子？)と入れるぐらいに彼らが好きです≫

My favorite scenes in the films is
→≪映画の中で私の大好きな場面は 、不死鳥の騎士団の映画の中で二人がお母さんの前に突然現れてニヤニヤしながら悪戯して怒られるシーンです≫

The smile in this scene is very cute.
→≪このシーンの笑顔はとてもかわいい≫

I always enjoyed by they mischief.
But very cool when they are serious.
Fred and George whom you perform were fit with the image of the original.
I enjoy very much, watching your performances in good coordination.

I want an older brother like Fred and George.
I envy Ron and the others.

I went to watch “ハリー・ポッターと死の秘宝”
I recognized, they was a close bond of affection between them.
It made me cry so hard.
I have become your fan more than ever because you two were so fantastic.

≪ハリー・ポッターと賢者の石を見始めた頃は小学生だったのに
　シリーズが完結した今ではもう高校生になりました。
　あっという間でした。やっぱり彼らが見れなくなるのは悲しいです。
　幸せな10年間を本当にありがとうございました。≫

I'm dreamimg of becoming a producer, influenced by “Harry Potter”

I hope you'll find time to visit Japan some day to see us.
Please take care of yourself and do your best from now on.　I wish you happy.

P.S.
Could you please send me your signed photograph?
のあとに入れたい内容で
≪私の誕生日は6月19日でもうすぐ16才になります。
　もしあなたから返事の手紙がきたとしたら、
　それは私にとって最高の誕生日プレゼントになります。≫

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Love always,

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　●●　●●

長文ですみません。
どうかよろしくお願いします。

回答No.1

gingles

Dearest, Mr,James Phelps＆Mr,Oliver Phelps

Hello. May name is ●●　●●.　I am your biggest fan and I am writing to you for the first time. I'm 15 years old and I study English at school. I am also writing an English letter for the first time, so I am very excited and nervous.

I saw you for the first time in the move “Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone “. Since then, I have been a huge fan. I also love the characters of Fred and George in the movie so much, because they are really attractive and cool. To be honest with you, I use the name“mischievous twins”in my e-mail account. My favorite scene in the films is when Fred and George grin as their mother tells them off. Their smiles in the scene are very cute. I always enjoy Fred and George’s mischief, but when they are serious, they look so cool. Both of you played the parts of Fred and George perfectly. They are just the same as their images in the books. I really enjoy watching your acting. You two are the most fantastic actors I have ever known. The movies even make me feel that I want older brothers like Fred and George. I sometimes envy Ron and the others in the film.

I went to watch “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” the other day. I could see the strong bond, not only between the characters but also between the actors. It moved me and made me cry so much. I watched the first movie when I was an elementary school student, and now I go to high school. The ten years have gone by really quickly. I will miss Fred and George, and thinking that I will not be able to see more stories about them makes me really sad. Thank you for giving me such a great time for ten years. My dream of becoming a producer was influenced by the Harry Potter movies.

I hope you'll visit Japan some day.
Please take care of yourself .　

P.S.
I know it may be impossible, but if you could send me a letter or a photograph of yourselves with your autographs, it would be the best day of my life. If you could make it my 19th of June birthday present, I would DIE of happiness...

From one of your greatest fans,
Love 　●●　●●

ブロマイドを送ってサインをもらう様にした方が、上手くいくかも知れないですね。（ブロマイドにメモつけて。。。）返信用の封筒も入れておいてはどうでしょうか？
でも戻ってこなかった時は、ブロマイド分、辛いですね。。。