自由英作文早稲田法１１年添削お願いします。
添削をお願いいたします。
第一志望は早稲田政経です。
[Q]
In Japan, some high schools prohibit students from having part-time jobs, even though they are legally allowed to work. Do you agree with such a school policy or not?
[My answer]
I disagree with such a school policy. It has many good aspects to have part-time jobs. You can know what jobs are really like by having part-time jobs. It seems preparation of your future. Of course if you spend many times on working, you can't leave many times to study or play with friends, but I think the experiences of having jobs are even more worth than to study or play. That is why high schools should allow them to have part-time jobs and you should have the choice.
・入試本番において（今日の模試の会場で）数少ない時間の中でこの英文を改良してあげるとしたらどうすべきであったか。
・文法的ミスはあるか。
・論理構成はどうか。
・合格答案になりえているか。
などの観点で見ていただければと思います。
よろしくお願いします
お礼
ありがとうございます。 やはり賛成の意味ですか