英作文の添削をお願いします
自由英作文の添削をお願いします
テーマ：A large earthquake event is expected in the Tokai area in the near future. Describe the preparations you would make in anticipation of such a disaster. If a disastrous earthquake were to occur while you were studing at this university, what would you do?
条件：３パラグラフ以上、１５０字以上、序論・本論・結論が明確であること
It is often said that a large earthquake occurs in the Tokai area in the near future. As I experienced the large earthquake in the Tohoku area the other day, I am very nervous about such disasters and highly motivated to prepare them. Through my experience, you should always prepare some degree of water and prepared food for a disastrous earthquake. It is because even a convenience store is closed just after a large earthquake.
Next, if a disastrous earthquake were to occur while I were studying at this university, it would expected that many people are in panic. I know being in panic lead a second disaster. Thus, I would let students around me keep calm down, get out of this university, and move to safety area like play ground. After doing this, I would offer the leader’s instruction. This would make damages of a disaster as less as possible.
Although you are often told to prepare a large disaster, you may do not know how to prepare for it. Preparing water and prepared food is necessary, of course, but it is more important that you talk about what would you do when a disastrous earthquake were to occur with people around you in daily life in advance. I believe that many people always imagine this may lessen the serious damages.(222words)
本日は英語の試験時間である９０分の最初に英作文を書きはじめました（いつもは最後でした）
時間は３５分近くかかってしまいましたが、自分としてはいつもの作文より筋がとおっているかな、と思っています。
添削して頂く際、この問題の配点を１００点として、何点くらいの評価か、回答者様の主観でかまいませんので評価して頂けたらありがたいです。
よろしくお願いいたします。
お礼
ありがとうございました。理解しました。