Essayの添削をお願いします。

質問

Essayを書きましたので、添削をお願いします。
特に、文の構成などにアドバイスをいただけるとうれしいです。
テーマは「エネルギー問題について」です

Through the Great East Japan Earthquake and the accident of Fukushima NO1 nuclear　power plant, public opinions are tending to not to use nuclear power anymore. Thus, the natural power such as, water, wind and solar are attracted by many people gradually. However, the government is not fully agree with abolishing nuclear power.

From my point of view, Japan shouldn't rely on nuclear power anymore. Because of the high energy, nuclear power is too hard to control, and once have a trouble with power plant, it leads to the large amount of people death and illness. What's more, the wastes from nuclear power plant can't throw away everywhere, otherwise those wastes pollute the environment.

On the contrary, opponents say, if the nuclear power plant will be abolished, whole Japan will be lack of energy. Therefore, the capital of Japan, Tokyo have to carry out scheduled blackout like last summer. Because The main system in many ways like government and economy are all in Tokyo, so blackout leads to Japan's confusion.

As far as I am concerned, Japan use too much energy, and you should save them. Everyone's economy is enough to making up the lack of energy. Besides, you can hope Japanese technology of using natural power. Although the large number of technologies are still not in use now, Japanese technician will discover successful way definitely.

回答No.1

wind-sky-wind

ざっと不適切な部分を。

「世論」は public opinion（単数・不可算的）
さらに，これだと use の主語が「世論」になります。

まとまり, such as 具体例です。コンマの位置がおかしい。
attract の使い方が受身にすると逆。
agree は一般動詞なので is not ではない。

once の後は SV

lead to を SVOO のように使っている。
lead 人 to ものとする。

wastes が主語なら can’t be thrown away と受身にする。
otherwise の使い方がおかしい。
if の中で will は不要。
be lack of ～で「～が不足する」とはならない。
Tokyo, the capital of Japan, has to …

enough to の後は原形。
make up for ～

hope の後は that 節か for 名詞か to 不定詞。
technology は普通，不可算。
way, technician は可算なので無冠詞単数にはならない。

お礼

適切な回答ありがとうございます。