Please fix these sentences

質問

If there are some mistakes, please fix!

I'm Japanese but now i'm using english key board, so i can't type japanese. Yoroshiku!!!

1.However, younger people at present take in plenty amount of nutrition, compared to the past generation, and as a result they have better- developed bodies.
2.With such physical change to the younger generation’s body, smoking and drinking could be still harmful for the health. That is, we still have to hold the strategy onto the younger people due to several reasons.
3.First of all, the most obvious reason why we have to keep such strategy is rapid physical growth of younger people does not mean they are emotionally mature.
4.That is why they have to be protected under the legal circumstance and be limited doing something that could be harmful at early ages.
5.That means at whatever ages they are smoking, it is still harmful for them.
6.However, committing alcohol abuse during adolescence, they must cause many different social problems.
7.According to recent research, the students who drink heavily and frequently have shown an impaired memory ability, being three times more likely to attempt suicide than those who do not drink.
8.Most certainly, there is no study on how better the younger generation’s body has developed than the previous generation.
9.It seems to be we should not ease the restriction on underage drinking and smoking policy yet at this stage due to several reasons.
10.Scientists need to study more on how human being’s body has developed and until then, such a furious debate should be suspended.

回答No.1

Paw2

I recommend developing better logical connections- I had hard time following what you were trying to say. Outlining might help.
<due to several reasons>- you may need to introduce a new sentence? You have already established one reason and conclusion.

1.However, today's younger people are well nourished compared to the past generations; as a result, they have better-developed bodies.
2.Even with such physical changes that occurred to younger people, smoking and drinking could still be harmful to their health. Therefore, we still have to keep the strategy of XXXX targeting younger generations <due to several reasons>.
3.First of all, the most obvious reason why we have to keep such strategy is that rapid physical growth of younger people does not mean they are emotionally mature.
4.That is why they have to be protected under the law and be limited doing things that are potentially harmful to their young bodies.
5.That means(???) at whatever ages they are, smoking is still harmful for them.
6.However, drinking alcohol during adolescence are said to cause many different social problems.
7.According to the recent researches, students who drink heavily and frequently have shown impaired memory, and they are three times more likely to attempt suicide compared to those who do not drink.
8.Most certainly, there is no study on how better(???function-wise? in terms of resistance to alcohol and carcinogens?) the younger generation’s body has developed compared to the previous generations.
9.It seems that we should not ease the restrictions on underage drinking and smoking yet at this stage for all these reasons.
10.Scientists need to study more on how human body develops, and until then, the debate on XXXX should be put on hold.

補足

Thank you for your early answer!
この１０個の文章はもともとあったエッセーの文章の中から僕が間違えていそうな文章だけをpick upしたものです。なのでたぶんところどころ意味が良く分からないところがあるのだと思います。
originalの文章を載せるので、よろしければもういちど添削してもらえないでしょうか？？

Our society has placed a critical restriction on drinking and smoking ages, especially on the younger people since drinking at early ages is thought to be harmful for their bodies. However, younger people at present take in plenty amount of nutrition, compared to the past generation, and as a result they have better-developed bodies. With such physical change to the younger generation’s body, smoking and drinking could be still harmful for the health. That is, we still have to hold the strategy onto the younger people due to several reasons.

First of all, the most obvious reason why we have to keep such strategy is rapid physical growth of younger people does not mean they are emotionally mature. Even though they may not be able to find any difficulty in doing smoking or drinking, they are still too immature to distinguish what is right or wrong. That is why they have to be protected under the legal circumstance and be limited doing something that could be harmful at early ages. In addition, smoking has already proved to be harmful for all people regardless of ages. That means at whatever ages they are smoking, it is still harmful for them. For the case of smoking, young people aged in teenagers spend most of their time on studying. However, committing alcohol abuse during adolescence, they must cause many different social problems. According to recent research, the students who drink heavily and frequently have shown an impaired memory ability, being three times more likely to attempt suicide than those who do not drink. Most certainly, there is no study on how better the younger generation’s body has developed than the previous generation. Therefore, we should not decide yet to ease the restriction on underage drinking and smoking policy.

It seems to be we should not ease the restriction on underage drinking and smoking policy yet at this stage due to several reasons. Whatever has taken place, it is generally true that smoking and drinking at early age are very harmful and further other problems associated with them can be caused by the younger people who abuse them. Scientists need to study more on how human being’s body has developed and until then, such a furious debated should be suspended.