添削お願いします

質問

次の４コマの内容を英語にしました。文法や英語の表現、文の流れなどおかしな点がありましたらご指摘よろしくお願いします。最初の１文は提示されたものです。
「(1)若いカップルがレストランでけんかをしている。(2)男はケンカの途中でメールを打ち始めた。(3)１分後彼女の携帯が鳴った。(4)それは彼からのメールで"I'm sorry"と書かれていた。彼女はうれしそうな様子。」

On day, a young couple started quarrelling in a restaurant. Their argument continued for a while. Suddenly, the man took his cell-phone out of his bag and began sending e-mail. His attitude made his girlfriend more irritated. One minute later, her cell-phone rang. It was e-mail from him. It said, “I’m sorry.” He had wanted apologized for her. Finally the e-mail made her smile. They could happily go on a date after that.

よろしくお願いします。

回答No.1

Faumdano · ベストアンサー

添削した文章：
[One] day, a young couple [were] quarrelling in a restaurant. Their argument continued for a while. Suddenly, the man took his cell-phone out of his bag and began sending e-mail. His attitude made his girlfriend more irritated. One minute later, her cell-phone rang. It was an e-mail from him. It said, “I’m sorry.” He had wanted [to] [apologize] [to] her. Finally the e-mail made her smile. They could happily go on a date after that.

変化したものは[ ]の中に書きました。

言い換えた文章（直訳的）：
「(1)若いカップルがレストランでけんかをしている。(2)男はケンカの途中でメールを打ち始めた。(3)１分後彼女の携帯が鳴った。(4)それは彼からのメールで"I'm sorry"と書かれていた。彼女はうれしそうな様子。」
A young couple were having an argument in a restaurant. Sometime in the middle of their quarel the man (pulled out his cell phone) and began typing (up) an e-mail. A minute later the girls cell phone rang. It was an e-mail from him and in it was written, "I'm sorry." It looked as if it had made her happy.

それで、充分でしょうか？良い参考になったら、私も[嬉しそうな様子]となります。因みに、hocus-pocusさんの英語力がなかなか上手ですよね、頑張ってね

お礼

添削ありがとうございます。実は辞書を引きながら書いているのです。辞書がなくても書けるように頑張ります。