英検1級のエッセイを書きました。
英検1級のエッセイを書きました。できはあまりよくないと思いますが、推敲お願いいたします。
ちなみに28点満点ですが、何点くらいとれていると思いますか...?
TOPIC
Is too much emphasis put on work in modern society?
POINTS
・Business culture
・Family relations
・Global competition
・Health
・Materialism
・Temporary employment
(ここからです)
Work has been one of the most important issue in people's life throughout the history. Nevertheless, I believe that too much emphasis is put on work in our modern society.
First of all, family relations of the workers are in precarious situations. A large proportion of the workers in Japan in other terms widely known as "salary man" tend to become workaholic and therefore not being able to spend time with their family. Although this might not sound serious, a lack of time and rest with one's family in private life could result in mangling the job.
In addition, take the health of the workers. The statistics show us the number of people who commit suicide or become sick is growing precipitously in the last few decades. This obviously implies that too much emphasis that too much emphasis is put on work.
Finally, the increase in temporary employment is boosting the the temporary employed workers motivation toward work. This is not entirely a negative trend, however,there is a concern that it could force them to work unduly longer hours, which could possibly result in the two aforesaid points.
Too much emphasis is put on work in modern society. An immediate action must be taken in order to alleviate this impending issue.
お礼
参考になりました。ありがとうございます。