自由英作文の添削をお願いします
周りに添削を頼めるような人がいないので、自由英作文の添削をお願いします。ネット上で細かく添削するのは大変だと思いますので、文法上誤っている点の指摘や全体を見ての感想・アドバイスをいただけるとうれしいです。
(問)次の意見について100文字以上の英文で意見を述べなさい。
It is better to marry late rather than early.
(答)
I disagree with this statement.
First,as people marry late,women give rise to their children when they are old.Although medical technology is improving now,it is still danger. The younger they do,the less danger they pass away.
Second,if their father is old when baby is born,and they retire their job because of their age when their children go to college,it is difficult for them to pay money.
Certainly,if people marry late,they afford to prepare for marrying because they have much money.But they should take their children into account. Thus,it is better to marry early rather than late.