英検２級、英作文の添削
最近英検２級の勉強を始めたのですが、英作文の書き方が全然わからず、添削できる知り合いが周りにいなくて悩んでいます。１９年度第二回の問題を書いたのですが、添削していただきたいです。大学卒業してからかなりブランクがあるので、おそらくめちゃくちゃです。暴言にならない程度にお願いします。
PS：文章が若干脱線気味ですが、文法とかを見てほしいです。
<Question>
Today, some young people do not start working for large companies. Do you think number of these people increase the future?
Why Japanese young people don’t want to work for large companies?
One of the reason, Japanese Companies often occur Suicide of Employees.
This is because Young employees were blamed by their boss. They feel much stress
and anxious about their fail. Another reason, Japanese Companies income don’t increase. But their working time is increasing every year. And they cannot have a rest. So, Some Japanese young worker think “We are too much spending time to work, but our income isn’t increase. It is no worth for work for large companies”. It is my opinion. This is because young people don't want to work large companies.
What should we do protect increase young people like that? This is problem not only our income but also our mental and work environment. I think we must hear everyone’s opinion and realize it as possible as we can. What is important for work? I think it is not income, with Employees’ Satisfaction. So we can protect increase the people who don’t want to work large companies.
お礼
なるほど、同格がくるため名詞同士を置くのですね。 the people around (the riders) と考えるとわかりやすいですね。 ありがとうございました＾＾