英作文の添削をお願いします！
英語でスピーチをする予定があり、原稿を作ったのですが、文法や自然な表現に自信がないので、長文ですが添削をお願いします！^^
Are you happy? Of course there are many happy, enjoyable things. Sports, movies, shopping, and so forth. However, there are also many unhappy, depressive things. Do you surely think you are really happy?
Today, the world is facing many serious problems. Discrimination, poverty, war, and so forth. However, we Japanese don’t have such serious problems. We were born in blessed, rich land, Japan. We can eat, buy what we want, and …..live. Then, what are the problems? Big one of the problems Japan facing is a problem of stress. I also suffer from the stress. “One pair of half pants is called pajamas”. “I’m called a Yankee because my hair is gold.” I’ll move on my topic. There are many stress. Human relationships, anxiety, a sense of inferiority, the number of stress is limitless. Because of these stress, many people cannot imagine bright future, only suffer from stress. If we suffer from stress, we cannot concentrate enjoyable things, and enjoy our lives.
Stress has influence on not only our mind, but also our body. You can imagine depression as mental disease, difficult breathing, circulatory system and digestive system. To know these effects, perhaps you know how serious stress is. By the way, have you think of any solutions for stress?
As I said before, there are many kind of stress, and those causes are also different. But I declare one cause of stress is broadcasting. This linkage is seemed unrealistic. However, media make us imagine there are full of sad accidents, crimes, disease and so on. We live in dark world. Why do we believe that? This is because we watch a number of news, broadcasting sad and dark things. Our brains believe the world we live is dark, not bright unconsciously. Of course there are not only dark ones, but also bright ones, but media focus on dark ones more easily, than bright ones. As I take one example, news about bullying. This news is broadcasted many times, and gathers much attention. That’s why our brains believe the world is full of sadness, hopeless. And we easily feel depression and suffer from stress.
Then, how can we save ourselves? How can we release stress? Which way is the best way to solve the problem? Excluding the cause of stress? Or Changing society itself creating stress? Banning broadcasting dark news? All of them are not seemed effective way to solve it. Do we have to endure stress or deceive ourselves? We don’t suffer from stress. I’m OK. I’m OK. I’m happy
No way. I refuse to do that. All we have to do is to deceive our brains. We have two simple choices to do. 1st is to look into just bright future. If we do that, our brains recognize only bright future without thinking and we think in a positive way. However, this way is not a perfect way. Some really suffer from stress and cannot look into bright future. Then, I will introduce 2nd way. 2nd is to appreciate 3 things every day and write down them. For example, I live with my aunt and she takes care of me. Now, I write down three things. 1st, “my aunt cooks a meal for me.” Thank to that, I keep my health and eat delicious food. 2nd, “every morning, my aunt sends me to the station.” That’s why I can save my time in the morning and sleep more. 3rd, “on my birthday, my aunt give me 1000 yen.” 1000 yen is not a little money!! To continue this, your brains will believe there are full of many happy, bright, fine things. We live in a happy world.
Some of you think why this is beneficial for you? Yes. I’ll explain it. By getting this thought, positive way to look into your future, you suffer from less and less stress, and are released from stress. This is totally enough.
And, the effect is not only reducing stress. Please don’t be surprised. By released from stress, your brains work well as 30%. You will not have trouble to studying. You will be able to get degree more easily. Good! If you got this thought, your future would be bright.
I hope you will get bright future.
補足
その講師いわく「大学入試は落とすための試験なので、良いようにはとってもらえない。こちらが合っていたと思っても、採点する場にはいないので、どうすることもできない。だから微妙な表現は辞書に載っている。典型例ではないといけない。」 ようするに、end up～ing ではなく end up having そのものの例文が載っていないといけないようです。 そんなことしたら、英作文なんて書けねぇじゃねぇか！！なんて思いましたが、言っても無駄なようなので言わないでおきました。 そもそも end up having の表現はない、と講師が言っていましたが、 ネットで検索すれば、いくらでもでてきますし、辞書に載っている典型的な文ではないとマルがつかないのはおかしいと思います。大学の採点官はそんなことをするような人間とは思えません。