旅プレゼン(英語）

質問

旅のプレゼンをするのに、いい英訳教えて下さい。
添削おねがいします。

I talk about my summer vacation.
I departure August 7 from Kansai airport to San Francisco.
I used UA airline 15:25.
I Transferred from San Francisco to LA.
I arrived at 9:15 at San Francisco.
But the passport control was very crowded.
I spend during one hour.]
And I pick up my baggage and I left it again.
And then I cheak in again.
I had only 15-minute.but I don’t know gate No.
I went to watch Monitor.I run to gate.
I got it.
I was relieved.
However, the airplane was a trouble.
I heard information broadcasting was waiting 3 hours .
Maybe.
Some passenger got off.
I waited a hour after that, I left.
I arrived at LA.
But I didn’t know where I picked up my baggage.
I was looking for it a few times.
After that I got it .
I took to call door to door shuttle bus.
I went to Santa Monica.
I stayed for a week.
I went to watch Santa maniac pier.
On the way ,
There was information center.
I got some map.
There were a lot of information center.
And I went to best big street in Santa monica”3th St Promenade”

回答No.3

pius · ベストアンサー

一文が短く、そのほとんどがIで始まっているのでもう少し工夫が必要かもしれません。
「私は～しました。私は～しました。そして私は～しました。楽しかったです。」はちょっと小学校低学年的ですね。

接続詞などを効果的に使うのはどうでしょう。(プレゼント言うことで口語的な表現も入れてみましょう)

I'm gonna talk about my trip during summer vacation.

Well, I went to Santa Monica from August 7th with (誰と？). I was really tired to go to LA because it took about (LAまで何時間かかったか). I
had to transfer at LA, but there were long queues from passport controls. Thanks to this, I hurriedly picked up my luggage, checked in again and then rushed into the flight gate. However, unfortunately, according to the flight infomation announce, the airplane to LA would have 3 hours delay. At the end of the day, after 1 hour the airplane took off, but I spent about (時間) at the airport. It very annoyed.

見たいな感じですね。unfortunately(不運にも)なんかはそれなりにそのときの気持ちが伝わってきますね。あとは、たまに「私は・・・と思いました。because・・・」なんかも効果的に使うといいですよ。

回答No.2

ito747

私も５月Toronto, New Yorkに２週間一人で行きましたので旅のプレゼンを１０分の予定が質問をあわせ３０分になりました。読ませていただきましたが行くまでの説明が多く１週間サンタモニカで誰に会い、何をし、何を感じたかなど聞きたい事が説明されてませんね。

回答No.1

Chicago243

旅プレゼンということですが、かなり事実の羅列が続いてますね。聞く側に立って、旅行スケジュールを延々と聞くのはどうだと思いますか?ま、とにかくどのようなプレゼンをしなければならないかというのは判りませんので細かくはいいませんが、旅行先の観光などでの感想や感動をもっといっぱい話したほうがいいのかなと思います。

あと、
I.....
I.....
という個条書きのようになっています。Iがある程度多くなるのは仕方ありませんが、話に流れが感じられず単調になってしまいます。
----------------------------
Today, I would like to talk about my trip during summer vacation.

I have been to Santa Monica for a week.
It was very exciting, but my flight was quite mess. During the connection at San Francisco to go to Santa Monica, the passport control was very crowded. After all it took more than an hour to get through the passport control. I had much less time picking up my baggage, checking in and finding the gate for the next flight, but barely made it.

全部なおしているときりがないので全部はできませんが、こんな要領でやっていけばいいかなと思います。