この英訳で大丈夫でしょうか？

質問

和文を自力で英文に訳してみたのですが，添削していただける人が身近にいません．間違いや不自然な部分がないか確認していただけないでしょうか？　自力では直訳できず，近い文章に訳しただけのところもありますので，こう訳したほうが和文に近い，というご意見もありましたらよろしくお願いします．

和文

こうして改めてお手紙を書くのは、なんだか照れくさいものですね。
気がつけば、三人に出会ってからもうすぐ10年が経ちます。
みんなが小学校5年生のときでした。
迷い無く、純粋な目をして「絶対に夢を叶えるんだ」とがむしゃらに頑張っていた3人の姿を、今でも鮮明に覚えています。
中学2年生になって上京が決まり、早すぎる親元を離れての寮生活は、不安や葛藤の日々だったと思います。
思い描いていた理想と待ち受けていた現実の違いに悩んでいる顔を見て、わたしがしてあげられたことは、ずっと変わらぬ距離感で見守っていること、それから、落ち込んでいるのに気づかないフリをしてあげることでした。
それは今も変わらず、ずっと胸に誓っています。
わたしがすごくうれしいのは、「ありがとう」の本当の意味を知ってからブレイクできたことです。
これからもずっと、優しい顔の3人でいてください。
あ～ちゃん、しっかりしていて、でもたまに見せる無邪気な顔が大好きです。
かしゆか、負けず嫌いで、でも頑張り屋さんなところが大好きです。
のっち、一歩引いて見守り、肝心なところはビシッと言う男前なところが大好きです。
3人に出会えたことを、心から感謝しています。
ありがとう。

訳した英文

To write a formal letter like this makes me be embarrassed a little.

neary 10 years have passed without notice since I met you for the first time.

At that time, you were 5th grade of elementary school...

I can cleary remember your show of keep up frantically without hesitation, and with pure eyes, as if to say "Certainly our dreams will be realized!".

I think that worries and anxieties filled your hearts because leave your home and live in Tokyo alone were too eary for just only 14-year-old girls.

I saw you were worrying about differences between dream and reality, something what I could is always keep an eye on you from the same position, and made pretense that I didn't notice you are depressed.

And now, I do so.

I'm very happy because you got a big break after you found the true meaning of "thank you".

Please keep your kindnesses of heart forever.

A-chan, I love you because you're steady, but you sometimes show an innocent smile.

Kashiyuka, I love you because you're an ironside who hate to lose.

Nocci, I love you because you always watch your friends, and works as the pillar.

I'm most grateful to you for met me.

Thank you.

回答No.1

tennsiontm · ベストアンサー

>To write a formal letter like this makes me be embarrassed a little.
→It is embarassing a bit for me to write a formal letter like this.

>neary 10 years have passed without notice since I met you for the first time.
→I did not notice that nearly 10 years have alreadly passed ever since I met three of you for the first time.

>At that time, you were 5th grade of elementary school...
これはそのままで。

>I can cleary remember your show of keep up frantically without hesitation, and with pure eyes, as if to say "Certainly our dreams will be realized!".
→I clearly remember even now that three of you had pure eyes and hanged through without any doubts to the dream, and saing "we will get our dreasm"
hang through は参照ＵＲＬでみつけました。意味は屈することなくめげずにかんばるです。
http://eow.alc.co.jp/%e9%a0%91%e5%bc%b5%e3%82%8b/UTF-8/

>I think that worries and anxieties filled your hearts because leave your home and live in Tokyo alone were too eary for just only 14-year-old girls.
→I guess your hearts must have been filled with anxieties to leave the homes and live in Tokyo alone, which was not easy for just 14-year-old girls very much.

>I saw you were worrying about differences between dream and reality, something what I could is always keep an eye on you from the same position, and made pretense that I didn't notice you are depressed.
→I saw three of you worried about differences between dream and reality, All I could do was just keep an eye on you in the same posision, and pretend to be that I did't realize you disappinted.

>And now, I do so.
→And even now, my position does not chenge at all.

>I'm very happy because you got a big break after you found the true meaning of "thank you".
→I am very happy that you became really famous when you found the true meaning of "thank you"

>Please keep your kindnesses of heart forever.
→Please keep your kindness in the heart forever.

>A-chan, I love you because you're steady, but you sometimes show an innocent smile.
→A-chan, I lover your innocent smile and stableness.

>Kashiyuka, I love you because you're an ironside who hate to lose
→Kashiyuka, I love you because you hate to lose so that you work so hard.

>Nocci, I love you because you always watch your friends, and works as the pillar.
→Nocci, I love you because you always take care of the friends and work as the pillar in the group.

>I'm most grateful to you for met me.
→It is very grateful for me to meet three of you.

Thank you.

出来るだけもとの英語を崩さないようにしました。英文の意味が取りにくい所は少変更したので、若干質問者様のいいたいことと変わっているかもしれません。参考程度に見てみてください。

お礼

ありがとうございます！大変助かります．参考にさせていただきます．