添削してください。

質問

（前文があって）
そして、母は精神的にダメージを受け、私と姉を混同するようになってしまった。
私はそれにどうにもこうにも耐え難く、非公開の家裁の裁判を経て、「あなたをお母さんとは別に暮らせるようにしましょう。」という段階までようやくこぎ着けました。
その後、私が自分の意志で「実の両親のところに戻ろう」と決意するまでに、１３年もの月日が流れました。
そして、運命とは不思議なものです。
…自分は生まれたとき、病院でとり違えられて育ってしまったことを、更に１０年の歳月を経てやっと知りました。
今は亡くなった義父・義母・姉は頭の片隅に置き、新しくできた実の両親と姉に囲まれて幸せに暮らしています。
貴方には、たくさん心配をおかけしましたが、どうぞ安心してください。
来年、またあなたの誕生日に手紙を届けに来ます。
お墓参りと共に。
貴方からいただいた本に書いてあったように、「感謝」の気持ちを込めて。
本当にありがとう。

Since then, my mother got a lot damages from her death and confused which is me or my sister.
I could not be patient what my mother behaved and put a case on trial which was in private court style. It was close to not live with my own mother.
It took about 13 years to go back to real parents to live with.

And life is something non-predictable, I found I was mistook to the different parents when I was born at the hospital after 10 years.
I now keep my step family in my heart and I live with my real parents and sister with happiness.

Please not too worry about me. I'll write you when your birthday comes and pray for you.

I really thank you with all my heart of gratitude which the word from the book you gave me.
Thank you again.

回答No.4

sukinyan · ベストアンサー

「添削をお願いします」として、たとえばSince then, my mother got a lot damages from her death and confused which is me or my sister.（これが一つのセンテンスです）という(翻訳してもらった）英文と、オリジナルの日本語の文章を並列して、質問を投稿してくださいね。そうすると、翻訳してもらったけど怪しい英文のどこがおかしいか、丁寧に解説をしてさしあげることも可能となります。大変な心苦労を経験されたようにお見受けしますが、今は祝福を受けられ心の平和を取り戻された由、心よりお祝い申し上げます。May the Lord bless you!

お礼

ご回答ありがとうございます。
いったん、こちらは締め切らせていただき、新たに質問を立ち上げたいと思います。
また目にとめていただけましたら、どうぞよろしくお願いいたします。

回答No.3

sukinyan

Happy Birthday to you!
Thank God I am here to celebrate your birthday for the forth time since we have met. As I promised, I have not said “Sorry to my sister, mother and father who are not in heaven” because you kindly told me that my sister, father and mother are surely in heaven now. It was truly difficult right before my sister passed away. Nothing like a TV drama in which a patient dies rather beautifully. Too much morphine made her almost unconscious and she uttered her last words. “Mother, save me” coughing up a lot of blood. Doctor performed cardiac massages but the flat liner remained flat. Mother begged the doctor to save her life somehow repeatedly. Father also said “Please do something to save her”. I saw considerable power had been applied for the cardiac compression and uttered, “It would crush her.” Hearing this, Father said “Thank you, that’s enough.” However Mother was not convinced, asking “It cannot be enough! Please do something. Please save her” again and again. When I repeated “It would crush her” again, Mother broke down in tears and said, “Thank you. That’s enough.” The doctor checked the time and declared her death at 19.58 then bowed. I felt extremely guilty witnessing my mother collapse into tears like that. That’ s my memory at the age of 5.一度投稿していますが、削除される前に御覧になれなかったのですね。次回からは、センテンス(文頭からピリオド、イギリス英語ではフルストップまで）毎に「添削をお願いします」と質問してくださいね。

補足

Happy Birthday to you!
Thank God I am here to celebrate your birthday for the forth time since we have met. As I promised, I have not said “Sorry to my sister, mother and father who are not in heaven” because you kindly told me that my sister, father and mother are surely in heaven now. It was truly difficult right before my sister passed away. Nothing like a TV drama in which a patient dies rather beautifully. Too much morphine made her almost unconscious and she uttered her last words. “Mother, save me” coughing up a lot of blood. Doctor performed cardiac massages but the flat liner remained flat. Mother begged the doctor to save her life somehow repeatedly. Father also said “Please do something to save her”. I saw considerable power had been applied for the cardiac compression and uttered, “It would crush her.” Hearing this, Father said “Thank you, that’s enough.” However Mother was not convinced, asking “It cannot be enough! Please do something. Please save her” again and again. When I repeated “It would crush her” again, Mother broke down in tears and said, “Thank you. That’s enough.” The doctor checked the time and declared her death at 19.58 then bowed. I felt extremely guilty witnessing my mother collapse into tears like that. That’ s my memory at the age of 5.
Then Mother suffered from mental damage and started to confuse my sister and myself. I could not bear any more so went through a private court procedure to obtain my right to live separately from my mother. After that it took me 13 years to decide to get back to my biological parents. Fate is mysterious. Further 10 years passed then I leant that I was brought to a wrong parents in the hospital at birth. At the moment I live with my real parents and a elder sister (new found family) in happiness, putting the late foster parents and sister in the corner of my mind. I have caused you a lot worries but now it is all right. Please do not worry any more. Next year, I will write to you celebrating your birthday again. The tombs of my late foster family will be paid respect, too. As written in the book you kindly gave me, with gratitude. Thank you ever so much.

文章を続けると、以下の英訳とマッチしていると理解いたしましたが、よろしいのでしょうか？

↓ココから
お誕生日おめでとう！
～
それが私が５歳のときの記憶。
～
そして、母は精神的にダメージを受け、私と姉を混同するようになってしまった。
本当にありがとう。
↑ココまで

度重なるご教授、本当にありがとうございます。

＞次回からは、センテンス(文頭からピリオド、イギリス英語ではフルストップまで）毎に「添削をお願いします」と質問してくださいね。
すみません、どこでどうやって区切ったらいいか分からず、また記載してしまいました。
ご教授いただけるようでしたら、再度よろしくお願いいたします。
何度もお手数をおかけし申し訳ございません。
どうか、どうか、再度のご教授をよろしくお願いいたします。

回答No.2

noname#20453

なるべく原文の英語に沿って訳してあります。

Then, my mother suffered a lot of mental damage from her death, and started to confuse me with my older sister. この母親が育ての母親なら my foster mother となる(次の文も同じ)　姉がその母親の娘なら my step-older sister

As I could no longer put up with my mother's behavior, I took this matter to a family court. After closed proceedings, I finally got a court decision saying OK for me not to live with my mother.

It took me about 13 years to make my decision to go back to my real parents to live with.

Life is something unpredictable. I found ten years later that I had been switched at birth in the hospital.
I now live in happiness with my new family - real parents and older sister, keeping my late foster parents and step-sister away from my mind.

Please do not worry too much about me. I'll write you again when your birthday comes. I will also visit … grave. 彼らの墓参りなら their graves

I sincerely thank you, and close this letter with the word I found in your book. With all my “gratitude", I say thank you again.

補足

前文に以下を添付したいのですが、表現はいかがでしょうか。

↓ココから
お誕生日おめでとう！
まず、出会ってから４度目のあなたの誕生日まで生きていられたことに感謝します。
そして．．．。
私は、あれから「天国に行けなかった Ａ子、お母さん、お父さん、ごめんなさい」とはも
う言わないと、あなたに約束したのでした。
約束、きちんと守っていますよ。
何故なら、貴方が「Ａ子さんも，お父さんも，お母さんも、天国にいるはずだよ。」
と言ってくれたのだから．．．。

姉が亡くなる直前は、本当に凄まじかった。
テレビでやっているような、あんな綺麗な死に方ではなかった。
モルヒネの使いすぎで、意識朦朧とした中で「お母さん、助けて。」が最期の言葉。
それも大量に吐血しながら、必死で何とか声にした言葉。

その後、医者が心臓マッサージとかやったけど、波形は動かなかった。
母は「何とか…何とか助けてください。」って何度も何度も医者にすがったし、
父も「何とかお願いします。Ａ子、助けてください。」みたいなことを言っていた。

姉が潰れるのではないかと思うほど力を入れて心臓マッサージをされていたから、
私は，つい「お姉ちゃん潰れちゃうよ。」と言ってしまった。
父はその言葉を聞いて、思うところがあったのか「もういいです。」と言った。
でも、母は納得しなかった。
「もういいわけないでしょ。何とかしてください。助けてください。」って
何度も何度も…本当に何十回も…言ったかな…。

私はもう一度、「お姉ちゃん、潰れちゃうよ。」と言ってしまった。
母はヘタヘタと座り込んで、「もういいです。」と言った。泣いてた。
医者は時計を見て、「１９時５８分、ご臨終です。」と言って、一礼した。

私は泣き崩れた母を見て、どういうわけか、ものすごく罪の意識を感じてしまった。
それが私が５歳のときの記憶。
↑ココまで

Happy Birthday!
First of all, I am grateful to be able to be here for greeting your 4th birthday. I have been doing well since I met you.
I promised you since then that "I will never say sorry to my father, mother, and Ａ子 couldn't go to heaven, and you have told me that "Ａ子, your father and mother must be in the heaven" that's why I still keep the promise.
It was very cruel just before my sister passed away, she didn't die a peaceful death like one scene in a TV drama.
She was in a twilight state due to the overdose of morpine but she could somehow say for dear her life "Help me, mom" as vomitting a lot of blood up, and it was her last word.
After that, the doctor gave her a heart massage but the pressure waveform produced nothing. My mother begged the doctor to help her again and again. Also, my father said to the doctor "Please, please help my daughter Ａ子" or some such.
The doctor given the massage very strongly as if she was going to crush, so I irresistibly said "she is going to be crushed". My father probably thought something with my word then he said "please stop it" but my mother had no satisfaction of that and said "No way! please don't stop it, do something, find other ways to help her, please". I don't know how many times my mother said like that, many times over anyway.
Once again, I said "She is going to be crushed". My mother collapsed on the floor and said "You did the best". She was crying.
The doctor looked at his watch and said "She passed away at 19:28" and made a bow.
I found myself that I somehow felt really guilty as seeing my mother was collasping into tears. That was my memory when I was five years old.

回答No.1

sukinyan

Then Mother suffered from mental damage and started to confuse my sister and myself. I could not bear any more so went through a private court procedure to obtain my right to live separately from my mother. After that it took me 13 years to decide to get back to my biological parents. Fate is mysterious. Further 10 years passed then I leant that I was brought to a wrong parents in the hospital at birth. At the moment I live with my real parents and a elder sister (new found family) in happiness, putting the late foster parents and sister in the corner of my mind. I have caused you a lot worries but now it is all right. Please do not worry any more. Next year, I will write to you celebrating your birthday again. The tombs of my late foster family will be paid respect, too. As written in the book you kindly gave me, with gratitude. Thank you ever so much.削除対象となってしまうかも知れません。ルールを破ってはいけませんものね。せめてご参考まで。

お礼

ご回答、本当にありがとうございました。
本当に助かりました。

補足

前文に以下を添付したいのですが、表現はいかがでしょうか。

↓ココから
お誕生日おめでとう！
まず、出会ってから４度目のあなたの誕生日まで生きていられたことに感謝します。
そして．．．。
私は、あれから「天国に行けなかった Ａ子、お母さん、お父さん、ごめんなさい」とはも
う言わないと、あなたに約束したのでした。
約束、きちんと守っていますよ。
何故なら、貴方が「Ａ子さんも，お父さんも，お母さんも、天国にいるはずだよ。」
と言ってくれたのだから．．．。

姉が亡くなる直前は、本当に凄まじかった。
テレビでやっているような、あんな綺麗な死に方ではなかった。
モルヒネの使いすぎで、意識朦朧とした中で「お母さん、助けて。」が最期の言葉。
それも大量に吐血しながら、必死で何とか声にした言葉。

その後、医者が心臓マッサージとかやったけど、波形は動かなかった。
母は「何とか…何とか助けてください。」って何度も何度も医者にすがったし、
父も「何とかお願いします。Ａ子、助けてください。」みたいなことを言っていた。

姉が潰れるのではないかと思うほど力を入れて心臓マッサージをされていたから、
私は，つい「お姉ちゃん潰れちゃうよ。」と言ってしまった。
父はその言葉を聞いて、思うところがあったのか「もういいです。」と言った。
でも、母は納得しなかった。
「もういいわけないでしょ。何とかしてください。助けてください。」って
何度も何度も…本当に何十回も…言ったかな…。

私はもう一度、「お姉ちゃん、潰れちゃうよ。」と言ってしまった。
母はヘタヘタと座り込んで、「もういいです。」と言った。泣いてた。
医者は時計を見て、「１９時５８分、ご臨終です。」と言って、一礼した。

私は泣き崩れた母を見て、どういうわけか、ものすごく罪の意識を感じてしまった。
それが私が５歳のときの記憶。
↑ココまで

Happy Birthday!
First of all, I am grateful to be able to be here for greeting your 4th birthday. I have been doing well since I met you.
I promised you since then that "I will never say sorry to my father, mother, and Ａ子 couldn't go to heaven, and you have told me that "Ａ子, your father and mother must be in the heaven" that's why I still keep the promise.
It was very cruel just before my sister passed away, she didn't die a peaceful death like one scene in a TV drama.
She was in a twilight state due to the overdose of morpine but she could somehow say for dear her life "Help me, mom" as vomitting a lot of blood up, and it was her last word.
After that, the doctor gave her a heart massage but the pressure waveform produced nothing. My mother begged the doctor to help her again and again. Also, my father said to the doctor "Please, please help my daughter Ａ子" or some such.
The doctor given the massage very strongly as if she was going to crush, so I irresistibly said "she is going to be crushed". My father probably thought something with my word then he said "please stop it" but my mother had no satisfaction of that and said "No way! please don't stop it, do something, find other ways to help her, please". I don't know how many times my mother said like that, many times over anyway.
Once again, I said "She is going to be crushed". My mother collapsed on the floor and said "You did the best". She was crying.
The doctor looked at his watch and said "She passed away at 19:28" and made a bow.
I found myself that I somehow felt really guilty as seeing my mother was collasping into tears. That was my memory when I was five years old.