一橋大学 自由英作文 添削のお願い

質問

一橋大学　自由英作文　添削のお願い　（１２０字～１５０字）　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　条件・十年後の自分はどうなっているかについて書きなさい。　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　I will work as an English translator in ten years. I have an experience supporting my idea. When I was a junior high school student, it was not until I started to study English that I realized how interesting studying English was. I have kept learning English since then. Now, I want to enter Hitotubashi University and study English more. This is because I have dreamed of becoming a good translator. I have a reason why I want to be. these days, this world is getting smaller and it is more important for people to have English skills, so I want to help them learn English. What is important is that how I make effort to be a good English translator. (121字）　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　今回はぎりぎりでした。少しtranslatorという語が多い気がしますが・・・。文法面を中心に内容のチェックをお願いしたいです。宜しくお願いします。

回答No.1

Peechyan · ベストアンサー

こんにちは。

原文の形をできる限り残したものと、文章の構造を変えたものの二種類を作ってみました。
こんなのでどうでしょうか？

ご参考になれば幸いです。

[1] 原文の形をできる限り残したもの：
I will work as an English translator in ten years. I have an experience to support my idea. When I was a junior high school student, it was not until I started to learn English that I realized how attractive studying English was. I have kept learning English since then. Now, I want to enroll in Hitotubashi University and study English more. This is because I have dreamed of becoming a good translator. I have a reason why I want to be. These days, this world is getting smaller, and it is more beneficial for people to have English skills than it used to be, and I want to help them to learn English. What is important is that how I make efforts to be a good English translator.(129語)

[2] 文章の構造を変えたもの：
My dream is to become a good English translator in ten years. There are several reasons why I have aspired to become that one.

The first reason is my preference on English itself. When I was a junior high school student, I came to realize how attractive studying English, and I have kept learning English since then. Secondly, I have a dream of helping others who requires English skill. The world is becoming smaller and smaller than it used to be, and it is necessary for many people to learn English skills to tackle this issue. Therefore, I would like to help them to learn English.

However, I suppose keeping efforts in a good environment is vital to become a good English translator. Therefore, it is necessary for me to enroll in Hitotubashi University and study English more.　(138語)

お礼

こんにちは。回答ありがとうございます。別解まで書いて下さりとても助かりました。実は自分は浪人生でして・・・。添削をお願いできる方がいなくて。よろしければ添削をして下さったら幸いです。本当にありがとうございました。