(英作文)高校生が学校に携帯 禁止それとも?
次の文のことで、お尋ねしたいことがあります。
「現在、日本の多くの高等学校では、生徒が携帯電話を持ってくることを禁止しています。これについてあなたの考えを書きなさい」
1.下にある曖昧な作文ですが、言いたいことが伝わっていますでしょうか?
字数は、気にしなくてよいのですが、100語以上を目安にしています。
添削してくださるのもとても勉強になりますが、でも、2あなた様ならどのような主張で、どう英語で表現するかを書いてくださるととても助かります。
3、下の書き方はよい書き方でしょうか?それとも悪い書き方でしょうか?
「この文は何が言いたいのかさっぱりわからない」という場合は、遠慮なくおっしゃってください。
どういう表現にすればよかったのかを、一緒に問題を考えてくださると幸いです。
[]は段落番号です。
[1] I am for high school students from carrying cell phones because it is not necessary for them at school.
[2] When you come back home late because of school club activities, it is possible for them to get in touch with thier parents everwhere. However, we see many bad students absorbed in using a cell phone without considering other people's feelings and ther are not aware that they are bothering other people on the train or in the bus. When their friends call them up and they try to answer the phone, they speak loudly on the phone while they are bothering other poeple. We should't allow them to carry a cell phone while they are not considerating others.
[3] There seems many high school students who can concentrate on studying, though they have a cell phone. However, the fact is that there are many high school students using it by sending e-mail to their friends and our teachers told them not to use it and not to carry it in school.
[4] When they get into college and they are able to be responsible for what they do, they should buy their own cell phone, not asking their parents to buy it. It is obvious that a cell phone isn't nessesary for them.
お礼
回答ありがとうございました。 また機会がありましたらよろしくお願いします。