英文チェック

質問

英語の勉強をしてます。
下の文章の英文法等をチェックしていただけますでしょうか。
In Pakistan, there are problems that combine Poverty, low levels of education, high fertility rate, etc., that is, there is the problem that symbolizes low-developed countries profile.

In particular, the access to health service for Women such as reproductive health or pregnancy/delivery care still bad and urban rural gap is large entire health sector.

Furthermore, in HDI(0.550, 2015) Pakistan is the 147th out of 188 countries, it is second lowest in Southern Asia countries(from East-South Asia to South-West Asia), only after the Afghanistan(0.479, rank169th)

回答No.2

noname#232424

補足。
in entire health sector
の前置詞は，over のほうが口当たりがいいかな？

回答No.1

noname#232424

意図はさっと取れますが，ところどころ引っかかりますね。医学用語は，ぼくも専門外でチェックできません（たとえば出生率は birthrate なのか fertility rate なのか）。

Pakistan has problems often seen in the less developed countries. They are poverty, ＜absence of educational equality＞, high fertility rate and so on.

＜＞内は，ぼくが意図を「教育機会の均等」に変えています。高学歴の人もいますので。

In particular, women's accessibility to reproductive health service is still at low level, and, in entire health sector, there is a large gap between urban and rural areas.

reproduction は包括的に，pregnancy や delivery さらには contraception も意味すると思います。だからこの１語で代表させました。

Furthermore, Pakistan's HDI showing 0.550 in 2015 is ranked at 147th out of 188 countries. It is the second lowest in Southern Asia (from East-South Asia to South-West Asia), barely overtaking Afghanistan (0.479, world's ranking 169th).

この類似表現は，既存の英語論文にあるはずなので，そちらも参考にして（構文と単語をパクって）ください。