大学受験対策の自由英作文の添削をお願いします。

質問

あなたが好きな漫画またはアニメの題名を一つ挙げ、どんなところに魅力を感じるのか、65～74字程度の英語で説明しなさい。

I like cartoon named Kureyon Shinchan.6

Shinnosuke is five years old and an innocent boy.

There are his family's members and other characters who are so characteristic.

I laugh much when Shinnosuke bothers the others and builds problems, or I'm so impressed that he helps them.

Shinnosuke and other characters often fight but really think each other so important.

This excellent cartoon includes what lets us feel fine and human's kindness.

70words

ただの文の羅列のようになってしまいました・・・

論理的に文章を展開できているか、正しい文法で書けているか、の二点に留意して添削して下さるとうれしいです^^

では、よろしくお願いします！

回答No.1

angkolwhat · ベストアンサー

がんばりやさんですね．

I like [a] cartoon named [Kureyon→Crayon] Shinchan.(削6)

[Shinnosuke→Shinchan（にすれば「しんのすけ」の説明が不要です] is five years old and an innocent boy.

(削There are his)[His] family(削's) members and other characters (削who) are so characteristic.

I laugh much when [Shinnosuke→he] bothers (削the) others and [builds problems,→makes trouble.] [or→And] I'm so impressed [that→when] he helps them.

[Shinnosuke→Shinchan] and other characters often fight [with each other] but [they] really think [about] each other [so important→very much].

This excellent cartoon includes what [lets（「許す」の意味）→makes] us feel [fine/選happier] and (選reminds us of) human(削's) kindness.

しんのすけは男の愚かさ，アホさ加減がいい．

お礼

添削ありがとうございます^^

受験目前なのにこんなに間違いが多くて泣きそうです笑
小さい間違いをなくせるよう精進します！！