自由英作文の添削お願いします！

質問

大学受験を控えた受験生です。
志望大で自由英作文が課されるので対策をしているのですがなかなかうまく書けません。出題が200語程度なので全体で35分（日本語でメモ10～15分）で書く練習はしているのですが。。。
構成の作っている段階でネタ不足になってしまったり、メモが難しくなってしまい英文として表現する際に手がとまってしまいます。
添削とアドバイス（役に立つ表現や字数稼ぎのポイント、構成の立て方、自分だったらどうゆう内容で書くかなど）をいただけると非常にありがたいです。

問題　良い教師がどのようにあるべきかあなたの意見を200語程度の英文で書きなさい。

　　　　I think that a good teacher has to have three points.
First of all,It is imporatnt for a good teacher to be friendly to his students.Of course,he should sometimes scold them when they make mistakes or play a trick too far.However,If student think their is so obstinate or stern that they won't speak to him,he can't understand what his students think and worry about.
socondly,It is also important not to give answers ofsome questions to his students quickly.In my experiences,my teacher who I think is the best teacher didn't give me asolution of my trouble.However,he gave me a hint,and he have me think more seriously.So he teach me how important to solve the troubles by myself.
Thirdly,he should improve his teaching skills.For example,It is important to think how to teach a difficult question to his students understandably,to consult with senior teacher about his students or class.If the teaching skills of the teacher is improve,his students can learn interestingly.
So teachers should have above three points to be a good teacher.

回答No.1

seegrammar · ベストアンサー

I think that a good teacher has to have three criteria/points/features.(or good teachers (each) have to have three criteria.)
First of all, a teacher has to be friendly to his students. Of course, they should sometimes scold them when they make mistakes or play a trick too much. However, if students think he or she is so obstinate or stern that they won't speak to him, the teacher won't be able to understand what the students think and worry about.
Socondly, it is also important not to give answers to some questions to his students so soon. In my experiences,my teacher who I think is the best teacher didn't give me a solution to my trouble. However, he gave me a hint, and he made me think about it more deeply. So he teachs me how important it is to solve the troubles by myself.
Finally, teachers should improve their teaching skills. For example, it is important to think how to teach a difficult question to his students understandably and to consult with senior teacher about his students or class. If the teaching skills of the teacher improves ,his students can learn interestingly.
So teachers should have the above three points to be a good teacher.

Gender 問題をクリアするためできるだけ複数形の they を使うほうが良いと思います。それと he or she、a/the teacher などを使い分ければ同じ単語がたくさん出てくるのを避けることができます。

構成は良いほうです。あとはたくさん表現方法を学ぶことでしょう。
それと大文字小文字、三人称の動詞など（細かい）の点を直すぐらいでしょう。

お礼

ありがとうございます！細かいミスに気をつけて頑張ります！