英訳してください

質問

下記文章を英語がペラペラでSLANG全開で英訳出来る方宜しくお願いいたします。

外人好きのヤリマン!!友達の元カノ最低～友達と別れたあとに実は赤ちゃんが出来ておろしたって言ってきたらしい。お金は全て男に出してもらってる、出さないと付き合わない女が自費で中絶費用をだす？あり得ない!!!しかも相談なしにおろすってありえる？きっとウソ!!
今はもちろん外人と結婚した彼女♪子供嫌いだけど旦那様のために子作りしてるみたい。でも出来ない....過去は過去だけど、ビッチすぎてイラッてきた。幼ぶってるブス!!!実はそのビッチガールとは仲良いんだけどね。lol

回答No.1

Him-hymn

She is a satyr, loves foreigners.
My friend's former lover, she is the worst. After broken the relationship with my friend,
she found she was a pregnant, and she got an abortion.
All the money for the abortion was given by him.
Does she pay for the abortion herself? She says if he can't pay, she won't go out with him.
This is ridiculous. Without consulting him about abortion at all? This must be a lie. Who knows?
Sure enough, she is now married to a foreigner. She doesn't like children but she is trying to have a baby for her husband.
But she doesn't have a baby. You know her past. Son of bitch. I'm getting irritated.
An childish and ugly woman. In fact, she and I are good friends. lo!

さくさくと訳してみました。いかがでしょうか？