緊急！英訳の添削をしてください。お願いします。助けてください。

質問

緊急！英訳の添削をしてください。お願いします。助けてください。

自らの夢と覚悟が試されたこれらの経験を通して、粘り強く努力すること、志を変えず最後までやり遂げることの大切さを学びました。
もし残りの選択肢を選んでいれば、その後の人生は編入試験の経験から得られた「努力し、最後までやり遂げる」こともできず、自分のやりたい事を明確にすることができなかったと思います。
編入学したおかげで、卒業研究では食品機能性の研究を行うことができ、その研究を通して、「食」の可能性を追求するいう目標を達成することができました。はたから見れば編入学は回り道のように見えるかもしれませんが、それは自分にとって意味のある貴重な回り道でした。

Through these experience that own dream and readiness were tried, I learned the importance of trying hard and following out without changing aim.
If I choose of the other two choice ,I think that the I was not able to make an effort and to carry through to the end provided from the experience of the exam for admission entrance examination, and to show clearly what I want to do.
Through transfer admission, I could study the food functionality in graduation work and achieve my aim to pursue possibility of "the food". The transfer admission might think a extra time but it was a valuable time with the meaning for myself.

回答No.2

mabomk

なかなかしっかりとした構文ですので、ほんの文化果つる茅葺き小屋に住まいし不(非)学者風情の小生如きが筆を入れるべきではないとは思いますが、こんな別の書き方もあるかも知れないと、ご参考までに。

I learned how important to keep on trying hard without
changing the original vision through my experiences in which
my dream and intention were challenged.

If I had optioned the other way, I am afraid I could not have
made enough efforts to carry on up to the goal without the
spirit I acquired in my study for admission entrance
examination.

After transferred, in the graduation research I could have my
best choice to study the food functionality which led me to fix
my goal to pursue possibility of "the food".

I might have taken slight detour via transfer, but it was a
valuable and meaningful time for my career as researcher.

貴趣旨と相違ないことを祈るのみ、、、

回答No.1

noname#183197

Through these experiences in which my dream and commitments were tested, I have learned the importance of trying hard and stay the course without changing my aim.
If I had chosen any of other two ways, I would have not "tried hard and stayed the course", which I've learned through the exam for admission, and not made my goal clear.
Thanks to the transfer admission, I could study the food functionality for my graduation work, and that enabled me to achieve my goal of pursuing possibilities of food. I gained valuable experience in what seems to be a long way round.(遠回り煮に見える道で貴重な経験をつむことができた）

お礼

opensourceさん

添削ありがとうございました。
さっそくお手本にさせていただきます。

急ぎの課題でしたので、助かりました。（ちなみに課題はまだ終わっていません　泣）

感謝致します。