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質問

題名:新聞は未来には消えると思うか。理由も含めて150字前後で述べよ。

　I think that newspapers would not disappear in the future for two reasons.
　First , newspapers seems to take root our daily life.For example , there are many people reading newspapers on trains , almost all working places has newspapers for reading. In practice , My family read news via newspapers everyday. My working place has some kinds of newspapers for reading.
　Secondly , reading news via computers , such us personal computers , smart phones , tablets get eye strain. Since they have blue light which is bad for eyes , which some people may avoid reading news through them. In practice , my family would not read news via computers , because their eyes get strain easily.
　Reading a newspaper is so common that people would not stop reading through it , even computers will be more spread. For these reasons I mentioned above , it seems that newspapers would not disappear in the future.

私は、二つの理由により新聞は未来に消えないと思う。
一つ目は、新聞が私達の生活に定着しているように思えるからである。例えば、多くの人々が電車の中で新聞を読み、殆ど全ての職場では、読む用に新聞がおいてある。実際、私の家族は、毎日新聞を読んでいるし、私の職場にも何種類かの新聞がおいてある。
二つ目は、パソコンやスマートフォン、タブレットといったコンピューターでニュースを読むのは目が疲れるからである。それらは、目に有害なブルーライトを持っており、そのために、何人々がそれらでニュースを見ることを避けているかもしれない。実際、私の家族は目がすぐ疲れるので、コンピューターでニュースをみようとしない。
新聞を読むことは、とても一般的になっているので、人々はそれを通してニュースを読むことを、例えコンピューターがもっと広まってもやめようとしないだろう。以上に述べた理由より、私は、新聞は未来に消えないと思う。

回答No.2

sknuuu · ベストアンサー

>>I think that newspapers would not disappear in the future for two reasons.
OK
でも、wouldではなくてwillにすべき

>>First, newspapers seems to take root our daily life.
seems → seem
take root (in)というのは”動作”を表します(だから意味として不自然)
「根付”いている”」という“状態”を表すのであれば
First , reading newspapers is a part of life in our daily life. とか
そして、seem to というあいまいな表現は使わない
いかにも日本語的表現ですし、ぼかした表現で主張の理由を語るのはおかしい
実際には間違っている内容であっても、”当然のこと”として書かないと主張できません

>>For example, there are many people reading newspapers on trains, almost all working places has newspapers for reading.
→Many people read newspapers on trains, and almost all working places subscribe (もしくは take) newspapers for their workers (もしくはnewspapers to collect information), for example (もしくはto name a few).
there are をつける必要なし　当たり前に目にする光景を述べるわけですから、そのまま淡々と表現したほうがいいです そしてできるだけ具体的に
例はできればもう一つほしいです
文頭のfor exampleはやや幼稚です(間違いではなく、日本では誰もがそうしますが・・・)

→In practice, My family read news via newspapers everyday. My working place has some kinds of newspapers for reading.
この文は前文で語ったことの繰り返しなので必要なし
この内容も例にしたいのであれば、前文に組み入れる
気になるのは
newspapers for reading (←for readingは当たり前のことなので・・・)
in practice というのは、理論としてはこうだけど、実際は(in practice)ああだった、という使い方です
http://eow.alc.co.jp/search?q=in+theory+in+practice

>>Secondly, reading news via computers, such us personal computers, smart phones, tablets get eye strain.
→[Second], reading news on a computer screen causes eye strain.
いろいろな例はここで語る必要はないです　main ideaを語るところなので
必要があればexamplesを語るところでどうぞ
あと、secondlyとするのであれば前述ではfirstly　ここはある意味”ルール”なので

>>Since they have blue light which is bad for eyes, which some people may avoid reading news through them. In practice, my family would not read news via computers , because their eyes get strain easily.
→The light from computer screens contains “blue-light” which is harmful for our eyes. Blue-light belongs to a certain range of light wavelength that is close to ultraviolet rays, which can cause skin cancer. Blue-light is, thus, what we need to avoid. Newspapers, on the other hand, do not require such effort of the readers. Newspapers are better than computers on this point.
勝手に付け加えましたが、なぜ目に悪いのかは少しでも説明すべきです
そして、きちんと結論を述べる(新聞はなくならないという理由としての一要素として)
字数の問題は出てくるのですが、テストではそこを何とか制限内で抑えて語る能力を試されるわけです

>>Reading a newspaper is so common that people would not stop reading through it, even computers will be more spread.
→Reading newspapers is very common among people, [and they] will not stop reading through it even if computer-use will be more wide-spread from now on.

>>For these reasons I mentioned above, it seems that newspapers would not disappear in the future.
→For [thoseもしくはthe] reasons I mentioned above, newspapers [will] not disappear in the future.
would は弱いです　主張なのでwill
あなたがそう思うのだから、seem とかwouldでぼかす必要は全くなし
他の人がどう思っても、あなたの主張が間違っていたとしても、あなたは正しいと思っているのだからwill
あいまいな言い方はしない (特にここはあなたの最終結論を語る部分なので)

I think that newspapers will not disappear in the future for two reasons. First, reading newspapers is a part of life in our daily life. Many people read newspapers on trains, and almost all working places take newspapers to collect information, to name a few. Second, reading news on a computer screen causes eye strain. The light from computer screens contains “blue-light” which is harmful for our eyes. Blue-light belongs to a certain range of light wavelength that is close to that of ultraviolet rays, which can cause skin cancer. Blue-light is, thus, what we need to avoid. Newspapers, on the other hand, do not require such effort of the readers. Newspapers are better than computers on this point. Reading newspapers is very common among people, and they will not stop reading through it even if computer-use will be more wide-spread from now on. For those reasons I mentioned above, newspapers will not disappear in the future. (157字)

あと、テストとは全く関係ないですが、commaをタイプする時ひとつスペース入れてますよね　commaは単語の直後にスペースなしで打ちます

お礼

ありがとうございました。参考にさせて頂きます。

回答No.1

Nakay702

以下のとおりお答えします。
前半：カッコ内に説明を書き、→のあとに添削文を示します。
後半：全添削文を通して示します。

　I think that newspapers would not disappear in the future for two reasons.
　First , newspapers seems to take root our daily life.（newspapersは複数形ですので、動詞はseem。「私達の日常生活に」は、in our daily life。）→First, newspapers seem to take root in our daily life./
For example , there are many people reading newspapers on trains , almost all working places has newspapers for reading. In practice , My family read news via newspapers everyday. My working place has some kinds of newspapers for reading.（for readingの反復を避けて、always available to read「いつでも閲覧可能な」とするのはいかが？）→My working place has some kinds of newspapers always available to read./
　Secondly , reading news via computers , such us personal computers , smart phones , tablets get eye strain.（tabletsの前はカンマでなくorがよい。）→Secondly, reading news via computers, such as personal computers, smart phones or tablets get eye strain./
Since they have blue light which is bad for eyes , which some people may avoid reading news through them.（構文もちょっと変ですので、「これらの道具はすべて」「多かれ少なかれ」「それで～」のような表現に変えてみましょう。）→All these tools have blue light which more or less is bad for eyes, so some people may avoid reading news through them./
In practice , my family would not read news via computers , because their eyes get strain easily.（because以下の同義反復を避け、「まさにこの理由で」としてみます。）→In practice, my family would not read news via computers just for this reason./
　Reading a newspaper is so common that people would not stop reading through it , even computers will be more spread.（「たとえコンピュータがもっと広まっても」は、even if computers are more spreadでよいと思います。）→Reading a newspaper is so common that people would not stop reading through it, even if computers are more spread./
For these reasons I mentioned above , it seems that newspapers would not disappear in the future.

以上の添削文を通して書けば、以下のとおりです。（なお、普通カンマのあとは1字分空けますが、カンマの前は空けません。）
I think that newspapers would not disappear in the future for two reasons.
First, newspapers seem to take root in our daily life. For example, there are many people reading newspapers on trains, almost all working places have newspapers for reading. In practice, my family read news via newspapers everyday. My working place has some kinds of newspapers always available to read.
Secondly, reading news via computers, such as personal computers, smart phones or tablets get eye strain. All these tools have blue light which more or less is bad for eyes, so some people may avoid reading news through them. In practice, my family would not read news via computers just for this reason.
Reading a newspaper is so common that people would not stop reading through it, even if computers are more spread. For these reasons I mentioned above, it seems that newspapers would not disappear in the future.

以上、ご回答まで。

お礼

ありがとうございました！
参考にさせて頂きます！