ツタンカーメンを殺したのは・・

質問

お願いします。エッセイでツタンカーメンを殺した容疑者に対しての提出課題があります。以下文法の添削願います

※自信がない英語は（）の中に日本語を入れています

In my opinion, these evidences such as Aye are vizier, he is commoner and Aye married Ankhesenamen are not sufficient evidence to persuade me. I readily understand that Aye is the key person in this story.
However, these evidences cannot support Aye is suspect（これらの証拠はAyeが容疑者と裏付けることはできない）because it is lack any physical evidence. I need objective evidence to establish a hypothesis such as his subordinate’s diary.

回答No.1

noname#202629 · ベストアンサー

these evidences such as Aye are vizier, he is commoner and Aye married Ankhesenamenが主語であれば、

these evidences such as Aye is a vizier, he is a commoner and Aye married Ankhesenamen

文章になれてきたら、日本語と同様に同じ単語（evidence とsuch as）を繰り返すことは避ける。

these clues that Aye is a vizier and commoner and married Ankhesenamen are not sufficient evidence to persuade.

I readily understand that Aye is the key person in this story.
However, these evidences can not support Aye is a suspect (of this crime) because
it is lack any physical evidence.
はおかしい。
there is a lack of physical evidence.

I need some objective things such as his subordinate’s diary to establish my hypothesis.

These clues that Aye is a vizier and commoner and married Ankhesenamen are not sufficient evidence to persuade. I readily understand that Aye is the key person in the story. However, not all these things do support Aye can be a suspect because there is a lack of physical footprints.
I need some other objective evidences such as his subordinate’s diary to have confidence　 he is responsible for this crime.

お礼

大変丁寧に教えて頂きありがとうございました
また機会がありましたら是非よろしくお願いします
＜（＿　＿）＞