困ってます(；；)英検2級の英作文について、

質問

英検2級の英作文添削お願いしたいです(；；)
TOPIC

Some people say that people will stop using cash in the near future. Do you agree with this opinion?

I agree that people will stop using cash in the heat future. I have two reasons. Firstly, continuing use the cash provide a good opportunity for theif. This is because, many people have money in wallet. If people using cash, the if can car still the people's money. Secondly, when people buy expensive things, they feel inconvinience to take money out of wallet. However, if don't using cash, taking money is easily for them. In conclusion, I strongly agree with this opinion.

回答No.2

Nakay702

以下のとおりお答えします。

＞I agree that people will stop using cash in the heat future. I have two reasons.
＊ heat は、nearの誤植でしょうか。（考えすぎかもしれませんが、もし「より暑い未来」と言いたいのであれば、hotter futureとするのがいいでしょう。）
⇒I agree that people will stop using cash in the near (hotter) future. I have /There are two reasons.

＞Firstly, continuing use the cash provide a good opportunity for theif. This is because, many people have money in wallet.
＊because 以下をカンマでつないで、１文で言う方がよりスマートな表現になります。なお、theif（thiefの誤植）は、複数形（thieves）で言うのがいいでしょう。
⇒First, the continuing use of cash is / provides a good opportunity for thieves, because people have money in their wallets.

＞If people using cash, the if can car still the people's money.
＊the if can car still…のあたりは、何を言いたいのかよく分かりません。もし、「人々が現金を直接身に着けたくなければ、例えば車に移すことはできますが、しかし、現金を使用する限り、盗難の危険性は変わりません。」と言いたければ、次のようになります。
⇒If people don't want to wear cash directly on their person, they can transfer it to their car, for example, but the risk of theft will remain the same as long as cash is used.

＞Secondly, when people buy expensive things, they feel inconvinience to take money out of wallet.
＊「値段の高いもの」はsomething expensiveと言う方がいいと思います。なお、inconvinienceは、inconvenienceの誤植で、その形容詞形はinconvenientです。
⇒Second, when people buy something expensive, they find it inconvenient / troublesome to take money out of their wallets.

＞However, if don't using cash, taking money is easily for them.
＊if don't using cashの部分、気持ち（言いたいこと）は分かりますが文法的には間違っています。
⇒However, if people do not use cash for shopping etc., they can easily transfer money and settle their accounts.（しかし、買い物などで現金を使わなければ、簡単に金銭の授受や決済ができます。）

＞In conclusion, I strongly agree with this opinion.
＊this opinionが、何を指しているのかはっきりしません。TOPIC のところで言っている (Do you agree with) this opinion? と混同される恐れがあります。例えば、「この現金廃止の意見」のように、その恐れはなくなりますね。
⇒ In conclusion, I strongly agree with this view of abolishing cash.
（結論として、私はこの現金廃止の意見に強く同意します。）

回答No.1

Nakay702

回答準備に取りかかっていますが、２つの「過去質」にケリがついてから投稿するつもりです。すでにご存じのことと、そうでないことをよく認識して、より効率的な回答を作成したいと考えています。