添削してください

質問

When becoming obese, the mortality rate is twice as high an non-obese people, and there are various risks.
The cause of obesity is various, but high calorie diet and low exercise time are greatly related.
Fast food such as McDonald and KFC is cheap and tasty and it meets hunger, but it is a big cause of it.
Although exercise is necessary to lose weight, people especially obesity tend to be a negative self-image and ostracism. It lead to psychological problems such as depression.
In order not to do so, it is important to decide a goal, image the ideals of yourself, and make a plan.

日本語⇨
肥満になると、死亡率が非肥満の人に比べ２倍高く、様々なリスクがある。肥満になる原因は様々だが、高カロリーな食事や運動時間の少なさが大いに関係している。ファーストフードなどの料理はは安くて美味しく、空腹を満たしてくれるが、肥満の大きな原因となる。体重を減らすためには運動が必要だが、肥満の人はa negative self-image and ostracismになりやすい傾向にあるためうつ病など（depression）心理的問題に繋がる可能性がある。そうならないため、しっかりとゴールを決め、自分の理想の姿をイメージし、計画を立てることが重要である。

上の日本語（少し英語が混じっていますが）を英文にしました。
こちらの文を添削して欲しいです。
よろしくお願いします。

回答No.1

cbm51901 · ベストアンサー

The mortality rate of an obese person is twice that of a non-obese person. Not only a variety of [health] risks are associated with obesity, but its causes are also wide ranging. A high calorie diet and a lack of exercise are the two major causes of obesity. Fast food such as those offered at McDonald's and KFC may be tempting[*1], and it may be a cheap and a convenient way to satisfy your hunger. However, fast food can be a major cause of obesity.
Although an exercise is necessary to lose weight, obese persons especially, tend to have a negative self-image and ostracize themselves from the surroundings in a training environment. This can lead to psychological problems such as depression.
To avoid this, you must image your ideal self[*2], set an achievable goal, and make a plan to realize that goal.

*1: https://eow.alc.co.jp/search?q=tempting
*2: https://eow.alc.co.jp/search?q=ideal+self

お礼

添削ありがとうございます。
大変参考になりました。