英語の間違いについて

質問

少し長いのですが・・・

First, I am going to talk about friends.
Many people have views. （たくさんの人がそれぞれの考え方を持っている）
And it is not similar.　（それは似ていない）
If I had live in a big city, I could meet people who have some views.
I have friends when I was high school student.
Some friends of mine goes to college.
But others don't go to college.
This is because they have a dream.
A friend of mine wants to be dancer.
She don't go to college, but go to dance school.
Thus, I can meet many people because I live in a big city.
So I can make many friends.
They and I have different views.
Therefore, I like talk people.
I suppose that we can meet many people in a big city than a small town.

もし、間違いやアドバイスなどあれば教えてください。

回答No.2

sknuuu · ベストアンサー

むむ、前よりもずっとよくなっているじゃありませんか

First, I am going to talk about friends.
Many people have [their own] views.
And [each of them] is not similar.　
If I (hadいらない) live in a big city, I [would] meet people who have [their own]views.
I ha[d] friends when I was [a] high school student.
Some friends of mine [went] to college.
But others d[idn't]. (go to college これはつけなくても同じ意味になります)
This is because they have a dream.
A friend of mine wants to be [a] dancer.
She d[idn't] go to college, but [went] to dance school.
(Thusいらない) I can meet many people [if かbecause] I live in a big city.
(↑この文が前述のif文(4行目)と同じ内容であれば、if。事実として語るのであれば、becauseでOK)
So I can make many friends.
(この文は前の文と一緒にして、～many people, and make many～とした方がいいかも)
(つまり、I can meet many people, and make many friends [if かbecause] I live in a big city.)
They and I have different views.
Therefore, I like [to] talk [toかwith] [them].　
(Thereforeは硬い表現ですし、全体の文体からするとSoの方がいいです)
I suppose (もしくは単にthink) that we can meet many people in a big city than a small town.

全体的に
文と文をつなぐ部分で必要以上にSo, thus, thereforeなど使っている傾向ありです
英語は日本語的に、「だから」とか「それで」とかのつなぎを入れなくとも、文の順序だけで理解していけるので、絶対必要なところだけに使うようにした方がストレートだし読みやすいです
(間違った場所などに接続詞を入れると読む人が混乱することがあります)

お礼

接続詞は必要以上いれなくていいんですね！
知りませんでした！
いつも、ありがとうございます。
参考になります！！

回答No.1

salver121

>This is because they have a dream.
→[This is because they each have various dreams]

>Therefore, I like talk people.
→[Beside that, I like talking to the people]

自分も１００％英語に自信があるわけではく、
ニュアンスも少し変わっていると思うので一意見として考えてください。

お礼

回答ありがとうございます！
参考にさせていただきます。